14th May 2006 - 13:06 BST
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My Xbox 360 died this morning, hard to believe I know that a Microsoft product could ever develop a fault, this must be a first.
I have tried to fix it myself using the usual technical methods – cleaning the lens and discs, checking connections, swearing and issuing threats of violence. It just doesn’t want to play with me anymore. I must admit I have neglected lately, so like an ignored elderly relative it has passed away in its sleep. Unlike Aunt Mabel though, my 360 can be replaced.
I hear the returns policy is about as much fun as pulling teeth. Luckily when purchasing the console I took out additional insurance so fingers crossed I won’t encounter the problems that most other customers have experienced when getting replacements. I’m going to give the insurers a call tomorrow, hopefully it’ll all go to plan and I won’t be dealing with one of the evil insurance companies you hear about every week on Watchdog.
I suppose my 360 died at the best possible time (if there was one). Summer is around the corner so I am less likely to be playing video games and Big Brother & the World Cup will keep me entertained in the viewing department.
13th May 2006 - 23:36 BST
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It appears that those Innocent Fruit Smoothies I have been drinking recently may make me healthier buy they do not make me indestructible (damn!). I learnt that I am still susceptible to “the common cold” (cough, sneeze, splutter).
I developed a sore throat on Friday night and since then have been moping around the flat with a snot filled tissue in one hand and packet of paracetamol in another. Only venturing outside to answer the door to my hairdresser and visit the local shops to buy food for dinner.
Today was boring. I sat around watching The FA Cup Final and Lost. I’ve finally caught up with season 2 and am at episode 21. I can now discuss it with my other friends who watch the series, as long as another set of friends who are following the show on Channel 4 are not about.
If you’re one of these people who watches Lost on Channel 4, don’t worry, there are no spoilers below. I do mention future episodes but nothing happens.
21 episodes later, 15 hours and 45 minutes of my life wasted. What did these people on the island accomplish in the second season? Not much. They pressed a button on a computer a few times for reasons unknown to us and that we are increasingly starting not to care about. A few people got pointlessly shot and we had about seven thousand boring flashbacks. I don’t know why I bother watching it but I will continue to do so.
I have a theory on how Lost is written. The writers are all ants in an ant farm. This ant farm is situated in an office in the basement of ABC Headquarters, in-between the writer’s room for “Everybody Hates Chris” and the old “Arrested Development” office, out of the way of all the decent shows. *
At the top of the ant farm is a massive pile of rice, each which a subject or character name inscribed on it in tiny writing. For example one grain of rice may read “Jack” another “Vision” another “Polar Bear”. The ants all carry the grains of rice to a chamber at the foot of the farm. Once there, the grains of rice are read in the order in which they were placed, each word on the rice linking together to form a storyline in an episode. For example “Jack” has a “Vision” of a “Polar Bear”.
A little far fetched I know but if anyone has a better guess on how Lost is written then let me know.
* OK, OK, I know ABC don't produce these shows, but it gives me a chance to laugh at “Everybody Hates Chris” (an awful show) and wind Dan up about “Arrested Development”
11th May 2006 - 23:11 BST
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This evening I watched a one off drama called “All in the Game” on Channel 4 which starred the excellent Ray Winstone (from the brilliant Sexy Beast movie).
The story focused on the much topical subject of corruption in football. Winstone plays a no nonsense manager of a struggling Premiership club which is under new ownership.
Winstone’s son is a corrupt football agent without a care for the beautiful game and who’s only concern is money. He is somebody who is willing to sell the clubs best players and bring in mediocre talent simply to make a quick wad of cash, all this being overseen and authorised by Winstone who receives a cut of the vast wealth.
The financially raped club is run by an experienced businessman although the job of being a football chairman is a new one to him. The man is distraught at the state of his beloved club, which he has invested millions into. The clubs downfall has also resulted in the poor chairman facing the brunt of furious supporters threatening both him and his family.
I personally found that the show was very entertaining and Winstone was perfectly cast in his role. Even though it was aired as a drama I am sure most of the issues raised in the storyline are common events in the modern game.
Corruption is rife. Agents, managers and chairmen are all in on it, taking bungs, financial backhanders and destroying the sport. Any football fan who followed the Harry Kewell transfer from Leeds to Liverpool a few years back will know something was seriously amiss. For shame.
10th May 2006 - 23:02 BST
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We had a team building morning at work today. I was half expecting one of those cheesy, American business like courses where you need to say something about yourself and everyone else in the room then fall backwards and hope your colleague (whom you have just offended) catches you.
This evening I am not suffering from a broken back so can now confirm that there were no trust exercises – the Risk Management Department simply wouldn’t have allowed it!
The morning was very practical and best of all a pub lunch followed. If climbing the career ladder involves trips away from the office with free coffee and biscuits followed by lunch in a beer garden than I am all for it!
Today was hot though! Hot and sticky. What’s more this afternoon Bath became infested with a swarm of greenfly. Maybe they had all hatched on the same day? There were millions of the little buggers, one even landed in my Coke in the beer garden. As greenflies don’t lay their eggs in dog shit I thought it would be safe to finish the drink, after removing the fly of course, which was still alive but high on caffeine and probably suffering from diabetes after a massive sugar intake.
This evening there has been a thunderstorm, it hasn’t been a massive one but it’s just been going on for hours and the thunder is still rumbling away now. In the past these storms have been so bad I had thought George Bush had gone mental and decided to starting bombing the UK for not agreeing to show Saturday Night Live and disrespecting the American culture.
Hang on a tick… plagues of flying insects, big storms lasting all evening. Has somebody been annoying God? If I find blood coming out of the taps in the morning and boils on my face I know we’re all screwed. What’s more worrying is that I am the first born son to my parents and you know what that means!
If this is my last ever blog entry, it has been a fun two years.
9th May 2006 - 22:46 BST
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I have calmed down a little from the excitement of last night. Needless to say I didn’t sleep very well, the adrenaline kept me awake long until the early hours of the morning. What a game though, one of the best results for Leeds United since I have supported them.
I have been on Cloud 9 all day, so much so that I haven’t even allowed myself to get annoyed by the latest cock up of Sven naming an unknown player in the England World Cup squad.
So the date is set, 21st May 2006, The Millennium Stadium in Cardiff against Watford for a chance to play with the football elite in The Premier League.
It is simply an amazing turnaround for Leeds United. Two years ago they were relegated from The Premiership and looked like they could face a future of consecutive relegations though the lower divisions or maybe even disappear for good.
All this has changed thanks to the manager Kevin Blackwell and chairman Ken Bates and whether Leeds win promotion or not I am so grateful to these two men for turning my football club around to a respectable and ambitious team.
As I blog the big day is only 12 days away. My applications for the match were put in the post this evening, Leeds have been allocated 33,000 seats so I have everything crossed that I will be successful in getting a ticket.
One final point, although it may have seemed a bit of a hyper blog last night I can categorically confirm that yesterday evening I was not drunk, on drugs or suffering from a mental health disorder.
8th May 2006 - 22:49 BST
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Phew! What an evening. Watching Leeds is very stressful! The lads did themselves proud tonight though, beating Preston North End 2-0 (3-1 on aggregate) to make it to the Championship Play Off Final in Cardiff.
I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t make it to Preston this evening (my poor excuse being I live 200 miles away and cannot drive). I watched the game on Sky, when Rob Hulse scored the first goal for Leeds I went mental. I jumped all around the bedroom in my flat, onto the bed, onto the sofa, onto the floor. I wonder what the people in the ground floor flat thought was happening.
I’m going to The Millennium Stadium though to watch Leeds in the final and win promotion to The Premiership!!!
I'm buzzing too much to type anymore tonight, will blog more on it tomorrow. God knows how I'll sleep... C'MON LEEDS!!!
7th May 2006 - 21:18 BST
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This afternoon I went to Sainsbury’s and spent £13.00 on fruit smoothies. The last few weeks I have been drinking these tasty drinks every morning after reading about how good they are for you on my friend Dan’s website.
Originally I started on JL’s, the only type of smoothie sold in my local grocery shop. When I discovered these were partly made from concentrate I thought it was wise to try something better. After all, if you’re going to drink a fresh, healthy drink you may as well go for the best.
Today I bought 4 cartons of blackberry and blueberry Innocent smoothies at £3.25 each. According to the website each carton contains 432 crushed blueberries, 48 crushed blackberries, 2 crushed bananas and 10 pressed apples.
It’s great how something so nice can be so good for you. I have always tried to eat a lot of fruit and vegetables (and as I’m not a 15 stone fatso I must be doing something right). However working 8 hours a day it can sometimes be difficult to find the time to have the 5 pieces of fruit and vegetables health “experts” recommend. These smoothies are great as I can get a massive serving of goodness in 1 glass, they make a quick, tasty and filling breakfast too!
So let’s all start drinking these wonderful drinks. Throw the Coca Cola and 7Up in the bin and maybe we’ll all live until we're 100 (and have to keep working until we’re 80 with urine soiled underwear).
6th May 2006 - 23:17 BST
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This evening I ventured out of Bath to the neighbouring city of Bristol. First of all I had to help somebody out who was having a problem with their PC…
Since being appointed as a network support analyst, word has got around and people are asking me to solve their PC problems. I now know how faith healers must feel when cripples and blind people keep asking to be able to walk and see again. Computer illiterate people keep asking me to get their keyboards working and repair their copies of Windows 98 (anything to do with this OS I normally suggest “Format C:” at DOS prompt).
This particular problem involved an individual being unable to send e-mails. The poor soul had spent 4 hours on the telephone to BT Openworld who told her to reinstall Outlook Express – a tedious task. Upon analysis a quick change of the SMTP server settings resolved the issue in 5 minutes. Whoever is working on the BT Openworld “Help Desk” wants shooting.
With that problem solved I headed off to my friend John’s house on the Gloucester Road. I say house, he is currently living out the back of his ever expanding café.
We went to the big sports bar across the road, The Bishops Tavern where I had a tasty chicken and cheesy bacon dish with chips, onion rings and a very artistically cut tomato.
On the way back to the car I was hustled by someone wandering the streets, he looked like he was on drugs and was asking for money. I said my apologies and walked on (quickly). Had I wanted to please the man I would have just given him an HIV laden heroin syringe and saved him the bother of buying one.
6th May 2006 - 16:17 BST
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It was the game Leeds United’s whole season was counting down to last night. The 1st Leg of the Championship Semi Final Play Offs. It was nerve wrecking. I was on the edge of my seat for the whole game, jumping and twitching around like a mad man. The game finished 1-1 with the 2nd leg taking place on Monday. What am I going to do? I have no fingernails left!!!
4th May 2006 - 19:00 BST
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I’m not dead… well not for now anyway (Leeds have still got to play and potentially lose the play offs which will upset me and may lead to my death).
I just haven’t got around to blogging, for a number of reasons.
a) Laziness
b) Tiredness
c) The combination of “a” and “b” meaning I haven’t done much therefore had nothing to blog about.
Bank Holiday Monday was spent playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on the Xbox. I probably played it a little too much as when I finally did leave the flat I found myself walking down the streets, half tempted to steal parked cars and smack innocent pedestrians that I didn’t like the look of. The excessive gameplay also lead to lack of sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I could see computer generated cars and gun fights.
I woke up Tuesday morning feeling very tired and forced myself to work. By the afternoon I felt ill. I probably picked up some virus due to the fact my sleep deprived body was lacking its normally strong immune system – and to think the previous week I had started drinking healthy, fruit smoothies every morning.
I’m all fit and well now and am enjoying what has been two very hot days – looks like summer is finally here. Hopefully the weekend will have similar weather to that of the last two weekdays – probably not.
Leeds play the 1st leg in the Play Off Semi Final tomorrow night against Preston (the town, not the guy from Ordinary Boys who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother). I’m getting very nervous… to account for every possible result I have the champagne on ice in one pot and 100 razor blades in another.
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