29th March 2006 - 22:17 BST
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I watched the latest episode of The Simpsons last night, the highly anticipated one written by and featuring Ricky Gervais. Well, Ricky did little to improve the long-since past it series, in fact I would go as far to say he made it worse.

The episode, part of the 17th season (the 7th too many in my opinion) featured a poor storyline and cheap gags which have become too familiar with the new episodes.

In this episode the writers seemed to forget the storyline completely and just made room for Rickey Gervais’ jokes. Now Gervais can be a very funny man, but I didn’t find him amusing in The Simpsons. Maybe he has lost it, maybe he had to americanise his humour or tone it down for a family audience, it certainly wasn’t up to his best. This was the first new episode I have seen in a while. It’ll be the last for some time to come.

After The Simpsons I had to remind myself that American TV can be funny so watched the new Family Guy episode which was brilliant, one of the best I have seen. Stewie’s arch nemis returned, Peter had a sensitive operation and afterwards experienced “fat sex” with Louis. Peter also had a fight the squirrel from the film Ice Age - pure genius.

Quagmire had the best line of the show though. Talking about a vasectomy he used the comparison “You take the venom out of the cobra and what have you got? … you’ve got a belt.”

28th March 2006 - 19:53 BST
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The Champions League is back tonight, a treat for all football fans! There are two cracking ties this evening, Arsenal against Juventus and Barcelona playing Benfica. It is just a shame that they are both on at the same time!

Having Barca as my second team I obviously want them to win although I do have a soft spot for Arsenal and wish them well in the Champions League too, I like to see all English clubs do well in Europe besides ManUtd and Chelsea.

Good luck to both sides.

Oh and Dan, if you were wondering when your new team Chelsea are playing in the Champions League you will have to wait until September. No more Europe for José Moanrinho’s men this season.

27th March 2006 - 22:14 BST
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I did a little better with my football predictions this weekend.
Of the 12 games predicted I got 7 results correct and 2 perfect scores. I have also decided never to predict Championship games again as anyone can beat anyone in that crappy league. You don't know what is going to happen from one game to the next.

Next weekends predictions will be posted later in the week.

27th March 2006 - 21:59 BST
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It is the age we live in that fraud is an area we need to be cautious over, especially with our bank details. Chip and pin has become a standard procedure when paying for goods in shops while orders over the internet need to be made over secure connections.

You would think and hope that the banks who are there look after all your money are doing their up most to keep your personal and bank details as safe and secure as possible, I always thought so. However I was very surprised and slightly concerned about the manner in which my bank, Lloyds TSB dealt with me today.

My debt card is due to expire at the end of the month. I called the bank Friday to find out if my new card was in the post. As normal I got transferred to somewhere in India where I spoke to someone was obviously reading from a set sheet of responses and being paid a terrible wage just because the multi billion pound bank are too tight to pay to run a British call centre. I was told that my debit card was in the post and if it had not arrived by Monday I should call back.

Monday came but the debt card didn’t. I called the bank, again ended up speaking to someone in an Indian call centre. They were able to find out that my new debit card was dispatched but had been posted to my old address! Now I told the bank, in writing over 6 weeks ago of my new address and was personally called by the bank to confirm the change, I have also received two bank statements since then. Due to receiving the call and bank statements I naturally assumed the bank had updated their systems so why was my card posted to an old address?

Luckily I still have family living at my old address but what if I didn’t, what if some fraudster had got hold of my card details and ordered shit loads off the internet? Even if the new residents were not dodgy, they may have been lazy and just chucked the envelope in the bin (it wasn’t marked “Private”) for someone to get hold of outside the house? More to the point, what if I couldn’t have got hold of my card, I’ll need it by Saturday if I want to buy anything.

Banks always stress to their customers to be so careful with their card and pin number, but Lloyds TSB have made such a simple, yet potentially costly error. I just hope this is a one off, but with an estimated £1.7billion of reported fraud in the UK (in this recent news report) it makes you wonder how much is down to simple carelessness of the bank?

Lloyds TSB – you need to be more careful and scrap the foreign call centres. When people need to discuss their money they want to speak to somebody fluent in the language. You must put the customers first, not greed.

26th March 2006 - 18:00 BST
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Last week a friend or mine persuaded me to spend £25 of my hard earned cash on a copy of the popular PC game Half Life 2. I don’t normally play PC games, I’m more of a console man but there was a reason behind ordering this and it wasn’t for the original highly acclaimed game.

Some extremely clever programmers have made a modification/add-on for Half Life 2 which allows people to play the Nintendo 64 classic GoldenEye. It’s not just a bit of a jumped up version of the 1997 classic either, this mod entitled “GoldenEye Source” is truly jaw dropping.

The maps are the same as the original, as are the weapons and characters however so much detail has been added in all areas while maintaining the original, highly addictive game play which made the original just so popular.

Unlike the console version where multiplayer games would consist of a split-screen, GoldenEye Source is one full screen per player. This is a great advantage as nobody can see where you are! Of course it does mean every player needs their own PC and copy of the game, but Half Life 2 (like most games on the PC) is strictly designed for local area networks and the internet.

The game is currently being developed and is only at an alpha stage. A beta version is scheduled for a September 2006 release (there will be some updates before then though). This said even though the game is at such an early stage it is certainly playable.

There are a few bugs but none that seriously affect game play. The only areas lacking are character, weapon and level selection, so many from the original are missing in this mod however the designers fully intend to include all the missing areas in future as well as a few more surprises! I have also heard there are plans to make the original, 1 player game available in due course. That would be so cool!

I have included a gallery of screen grabs (personally grabbed during play) here. If you fancy playing me both my userID and screen name is “Sparkster_LUFC” (the same as my Xbox Live account). Just e-mail me first otherwise requests may be ignored. Jon, a friend of mine who often plays the console version with me is also enjoying the game, his userID is “Hubbers” and his screen name is “Jono”. Daninthemix is also a big GoldenEye fan – I’m working on getting him to buy Half Life 2 so he can play too :o)

Oh, I almost forgot, if you actually want GoldenEye source you can download it free and legally here. You will need a copy of Half Life 2 as well as Deathmatch – only legal copies will work so there’s no place for you pirates out there.

25th March 2006 - 12:36 GMT
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Anyone else seen this clip doing the rounds on the net? It’s of an ugly, skinhead, Manchester United supporting chav, probably in a box bedroom of his mum’s house, miming along to some awful ManU parody of that “Fuck It” song by Eamon.

What’s the bet he lives in Plymouth, has never been to Old Trafford and his mum won’t let him have Sky so every time the BBC or ITV show a Man Utd game he wets himself with excitement? Wouldn’t put it past him, he looks a sad tosser.

Now, I would never, ever degrade myself on camera like he has, however I have re-worked the lyrics to give them an LUFC twist. If any Leeds fans are reading, please don’t record yourself singing them, it’ll be so embarrassing for you, me and the football club.

See I will,
Always,
Hate the scum so much,
Their fans and players are a bunch of c*nts,
Scum,
I hate them,
I love Leeds in white,
But Manchester are shite,
And now I'm gonna tell you what is real

Fuck Ferguson and fuck Ronaldo
Fuck Gary Neville and that twat Rio
Fuck Wayne Rooney and fuck Van Horseface
Fuck Man United your teams a disgrace
We love Malcolm Glazer, scum fans got conned
Please bring scum down to Unibond...
Fuck Eamon Holmes and fuck you Nesbitt
You scum supporters deserve to get hit

Also, a word of warning – never, ever put pictures or videos of yourself online. As Peter Kay once said “It’s amazing what you can do with a computer and access to t’nternet”…

25th March 2006 - 09:52 GMT
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It’s Saturday again and that means a whole host of football matches.

I made some predictions for the mid-week games just gone, I didn’t do great but didn’t disgrace myself either. From the 6 games predicted I got 3 results correct although no perfect scores.

Here’s a breakdown of my predictions and results…

Now here is a list of predictions for this weekend’s Premiership games as well as 3 Championship games involving promotion chasing Leeds, Watford and Sheffield United.

Aston Villa v Fulham ~ 2-1 Villa
Chelsea v Man City ~ 2-0 Chelsea
Liverpool v Everton ~ 2-1 Liverpool
Portsmouth v Arsenal ~ 1-2 Arsenal - Postponed
Sunderland v Blackburn ~ 1-2 Blackburn
Wigan v West Ham ~ 1-1 Draw
Charlton v Newcastle ~ 1-1 Draw
Man Utd v Birmingham ~ 2-0 Man Utd
Middlesbrough v Bolton ~ 2-1 Middlesbrough
Tottenham v West Brom ~ 2-1 Tottenham
Leeds v Stoke ~ 2-0 Leeds Utd
Sheff United v Southampton ~ 2-1 Sheffield Utd
Watford v Millwall ~ 2-0 Watford

As you can see Leeds take on Stoke at Elland Road. The Whites haven’t won in 3 games which is unusual considering their first-rate form this season. I think they’ll win today though although they'll have to watch out for Stoke.

Stoke remind me of Leeds United at this stage last season when we played Ipswich at Elland Road (a game in which I attended). Leeds (like Stoke now) were clear of relegation but the play offs were out of reach. Ipswich were riding high in 3rd place, battling it out with Wigan for 2nd (similar to Leeds/Watford/Sheff Utd this season). I thought Leeds would lose as did many fans. It was a scrappy game which ended 1-1 and put a serious dent in Ipswich’s promotion hopes and of course led to them staying in the Championship. Stoke could do this to Leeds today by drawing against us or God forbid - winning. Still going for a 2-1 Leeds win though. It'l be tough, scrappy and ugly.

Hoping we'll also see more of new signing Jermaine Beckford today, recently signed from a non-league side he was working in the RAC just the other week fitting windscreens. Looked impressive on Tuesday night by all accounts (the only positive to be taken from the game). Sparkster.net is now an Official Jermaine Beckford Fan.

25th March 2006 - 00:18 GMT
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Went to The Bell in town again this evening, funny how it was relatively quite last week, on St. Patrick’s Day – one of the busiest days of the year for pubs yet tonight it was jam packed. I queued for 15 minutes to get a drink and waited longer still for somewhere to sit. I eventually ended up sitting on a plastic garden chair in some outhouse – not good! :o(

Moving on… not that you will have noticed unless you are spying on me and my website but I changed web servers today. A good friend of mine had been providing free hosting for me on his server since October 2004 but the company looking after them, providing the connection and all that bollocks went belly up this week – thanks a lot Core-ISP! I now have to pay for my hosting – OK it’s only around £3 a month but I’ll also lose access to my friend’s private FTP with lots of “legal” downloads! Bollocks!

If anyone feels like giving me money towards the hosting, contact me in the usual manner and I’ll tell you where to post the cheque… don’t all e-mail me at once. You’ve seen the TV ads “every time I click my fingers a child in Africa dies of starvation”. Well listen to this… “every time I click my fingers some visitor uses costly bandwidth on my website”. Please give generously.

I took out property insurance this afternoon using Endsleigh, an insurance company specialising in covering student accommodation as well as bedsits and flats, where I am living (see, more expenses for me!). I got a fairly decent quote which covers accidental damage, theft, etc inside as well as covering my MP3 player outside of the property. So if I ever smash my 32” LCD TV in some crazy circumstance or get my MP3 player nicked by some dirty chav I’m covered! Sadly I don’t think I get legal protection against smashing the thieving chav’s face into the pavement to retrieve my player.

Last but by no means least my friend Dan has re-lauched his web site DanInTheMix – now known as Daninthemix Dot Com. Here you can read his amusing and sometimes disturbing blogs as well as download some of his excellent mixes. He doesn’t blog as frequently as me (lazy bugger) but when he finally does get round to the strenuous task his entries are rather amusing. Since I last mentioned him he has moved from Bath to London and to my unhappiness now supports Chelsea (even though he was a Liverpool fan as a kid) – I’ll convert him to Leeds yet!

21st March 2006 - 21:38 GMT
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Well the half time score line didn’t change in the second half, that game in had is gone – down the toilet.

Leeds, 4th place in the league, 4 points behind Sheffield United in 2nd, 2 points behind Watford in 3rd. The chase for automatic promotion isn’t over by any means but sadly Leeds will be relying upon other teams dropping points as well as doing them job themselves

This has to be seen as an opportunity missed for Leeds, Watford are on fire, Sheffield United are in dire straights but they have to win at sometime. Leeds haven’t won in 3 games now. Something needs to be done or the nail biting playoffs await…

Still, it could be worse, I could be a Birmingham fan. Heading for relegation and defeated 7-0 at home to Liverpool in the FA Cup. Ex-Leeds United player Eddie Gray commentating on the Leeds game summed it up well "a disappointing result for Birmingham" - how observant Eddie!

21st March 2006 - 20:34 GMT
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Half time

Leeds United 0-1 Crystal Palace

Bollocks!!!
C’mon Leeds, win this game!

21st March 2006 - 18:09 GMT
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Leeds United play Crystal Palace tonight in one of the most vital games of the season. This match has been postponed since August last year and has become a much talked about “game in hand” in the promotion chase.

It’ll be a tough game, a very tough game. Palace are also chasing promotion and will be smarting from their defeat to Leeds earlier in the month.

This is a must win game tonight, yesterday Watford played Southampton and won 3-1 (thanks for nothing Saints) to overtake Leeds and take 3rd place. A win tonight can put Leeds back in that position, 2 points ahead of Watford and just 1 point behind Sheffield United in 2nd place. C’MON LEEDS!

Derry's Gonna Yet Ya!!!

MARCHING ON TOGETHER,
WE’RE GONNA SEE YOU WIN,
WE ARE SO PROUD,
WE SHOUT IT OUT LOUD,
WE LOVE YOU LEEDS – LEEDS – LEEDS!!!

20th March 2006 - 22:31 GMT
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I have been watching the BBC series Planet Earth on Sunday evenings. It is a remarkable program exploring some magnificent locations throughout the world and capturing wildlife in shots never before seen.

Yesterday’s episode explored the water life throughout the Earth, unbelievably some lakes are larger than the whole of Wales while areas of Brazil boast marshland with a greater surface area than the whole of England. The fishes, amphibians and mammals that live in these locations are equally as impressive.

One of the other interesting parts of the series is where we see how the cameramen actually filmed the scenes and animals – it’s not just a case of sticking a camcorder in a pool of piranhas and hitting the record button!

I find it so exciting how technology is being used nowadays to capture scenes which, 10 years ago would have been impossible. Man is always eager to explore the vast reams of space although there is so much of the planet yet to be uncovered.

If you haven’t seen this series yet I urge you to watch it next Sunday, even if you are not a fan of nature programs this series is so good it is worth an hour of your evening, after all what else would you be watching?

19th March 2006 - 21:47 GMT
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Some strange results in this weeks football games, mainly Fulham beating league leaders Chelsea this afternoon.

Here are my predictions along with the actual results…

Out of the 11 games predicted I got 6 results correct and 2 actual scores correct.

Now the next set of predictions. Across this week are the four FA Cup quarter final games as well as two Championship fixtures featuring Watford & Leeds United. My predictions for these games are as follows…

Man City v West Ham ~ Draw 1-1
Southampton v Watford ~ Draw 1-1
Birmingham v Liverpool ~ Liverpool 2-0
Leeds v Crystal Palace ~ Draw 1-1
Chelsea v Newcastle ~ Chelsea 2-1
Charlton v Middlesbrough ~ Draw 2-2

19th March 2006 - 14:11 GMT
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The Maid Marian and Her Merry Men DVD arrived yesterday. The series from the late 80’s/early 90’s will be fondly remembered by anyone aged 18-30 who watched it when it was originally aired. Along with Round the Twist, Maid Marian is quite arguably the best kids TV show ever.

The DVD is very well presented; it would have been so easy for the BBC just to stick the episodes on a disc in a flimsy box with no extras and VHS quality video & audio. This is not the case, the DVD is very well packaged, the soundtrack and picture remastered and a good selection of extras, including commentary from Tony Robinson on episode 1, it’s just a shame all six episodes didn’t have this feature.

As for entertainment, the show is just as funny as I remembered it, there are also a few adult jokes and references which, as a seven year old you would not get watching back in 1989.

All in all a top DVD, Series 2 is scheduled for a summer 2006 release, something to look forward to.

For more “Marian Memories”, or if you are too tight to buy the DVD, take a look at this website, full of sound clips, screen captures and facts on the cult TV show.

18th March 2006 - 18:55 GMT
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Coventry City 1-1 Leeds United
Norwich City 2-1 Sheffield United

Leeds move another point towards automatic promotion.
We’re gonna get ya Neil Warnock!

18th March 2006 - 13:30 GMT
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I was out last night for St. Patrick’s Day, spent the evening in The Bell in town which was nice. Not your typical Stella serving pub with pool tables and juke boxes. Good place although does get very busy, luckily we got a seat by arriving early, right next to the billiard table.

We decided to have a game, I took on a friend who is a regular pool player, I am not. Needless to say I did get thrashed but somehow I scored a straight “200” by re-bounding the ball off the cushion – a feat which is impressive apparently and couldn’t be repeated by my opponent.

It seemed like some people were starting the celebrations a little too early yesterday - at midday! I was down at the local shops where I saw an old man/tramp on the floor, pissed out of his head and surrounded by paramedics and police. Makes you wonder why they do it.

While paying for my shopping I was also amused a couple of larger louts stocking up on beer for the evening – “Once I start drinking I never stop, you had better buy 48 cans. Oh man! They’re only 440ml, are there any pint cans?” - Anyone for pickled liver?

While I think St. Patrick’s day is a great excuse for a celebration and I do enjoy the Irish traditions and music I do feel it is sad living in England that people put more effort into an Irish holiday than St. Georges Day. This day should be acknowledged as a proper holiday in England, us English are all too ready to praise the lifestyle and traditions of other countries yet forget about our own.

Moving onto Leeds United. The Super Whites take on Coventry City this afternoon. Coventry have been unbeaten at home for ages (since October I think), they even beat Sheffield United last weekend (not too hard at the moment though!). It will be tough for Leeds but I still feel confident The Whites can beat them. Sheffield United are playing Norwich and Watford travel to Southampton. Hopefully these games will go Leeds’ way and move them one step closer to The Premiership.

In honour of Leeds United’s recent form I have made this remix of tunes played before every home game. It’s not up to the standards of DanInTheMix, however the mixing at Elland Road is pretty shit too so expect it to be authentic! I have entitled it “The Sounds of Elland Road”.

Finally, a new section for my blog, “Football Predictions”. Every weekend I will predict the scores of every Premiership match as well as the Leeds game.

Everton v Aston Villa - Everton 1-0
Arsenal v Charlton - Arsenal 2-0
Blackburn v Middlesbrough - Blackburn 2-1
Bolton v Sunderland - Bolton 2-0
Man City v Wigan - Man City 2-1
West Brom v Man Utd - Man Utd 2-1
West Ham v Portsmouth - Portsmouth 2-1
Birmingham v Tottenham - Draw 1-1
Newcastle v Liverpool - Newcastle 2-1
Fulham v Chelsea - Chelsea 2-0
Coventry v Leeds - Leeds 2-1

16th March 2006 - 18:25 GMT
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I have been off work all week on annual leave, I haven’t even been in my new job two weeks – how unprofessional (it’s OK, the holiday was booked long before my appointment).

It has been nice just to have a break after stressful two months, what with moving into the flat and starting a brand new job. I haven’t been up to anything major. I went to town the other day to do some shopping and also bought a few goodies from Ebay…

The walls of my room contain posters, framed pictures and even flags for some of my favourite things – Leeds United, Bond movies and X-Files. I have felt the walls have been lacking something for the hilarious television show Family Guy. This massive poster looks great above my bed.

I’m a big gadget fan, I used to have a cool little thermometer which measured the indoor and outdoor temperature. This broke recently, I don’t think the wire which connected the sensor to the main unit liked being trapped in the window! I got this new, far better weather station from Ebay. It’s wireless, the sensor sits in the garden, it also predicts the weather as well as temperature so is better than what I had before.

My PlayStation 2 died recently. I wasn’t too bothered as I now have a Xbox 360. There were three games I was missing though, Grand Theft Auto 3, Vice City & San Andreas. I managed to get these for a very reasonable price on the Xbox from a well known video games shop in Bath. Luckily these games are three of a short list of titles backwards compatible on the 360 HOWEVER the re-release of San Andreas (in the “Classics” range) is NOT compatible! I had to take it back to exchange it for a pre-owned original version.

I was given some HMV vouchers when I left my old job. I bought Goal! on DVD, very good film which I watched yesterday afternoon. I also bought Guy Ritchie’s latest movie Revolver on DVD. I know it’s not meant to be as good as Lock, Stock & Snatch but I am a fan of his work so thought I would try it out. Will let you know what I think when I get round to watching it.

Earlier March blog entries have been moved to the archive