My “hilarious” colleague thought it would be funny to hijack my computer this afternoon, and while I was hard at work, my PC came under attack - up popped a huge message saying
I AM GAY
Not being a homosexual myself, I can only guess it was a strange way of my workmate coming out; either that or a joke. Normally I would find this funny, but when you are speaking to a senior manager at the time, it is a tad embarrassing.
Jeremy Beadle died this evening from pneumonia. I always thought he would die in a tragic, yet hilarious accident at a wedding, or as a result of a football being kicked into his genitals by a young child.
Maybe he isn’t really dead. Maybe he is getting ready to return with a brand new series of Beadle’s About by jumping out of his coffin just before he is lowered into the oven.
If he isn’t planning a super comeback and is indeed dead, RIP Jeremy :o(
The most annoying thing about Dennis Wise leaving Leeds is that I need to think of a new name for my hamster, who was named after the exiled manager. Any suggestions are welcome.
So Dennis Wise has left his job as Leeds United manager to become Kevin Keegan's bitch at the ever-going circus of Newcastle United.
Wise notices the size Keegan's manhood
Wise, the man who will be remembered for relegating Leeds United to the third tier of English football for the first time in history, has been struggling a bit of late; in fact, ever since head coach Gus Poyet left for Spurs. Call me sceptical, but I think Gus may have had more to do with Leeds' wonderful start to the season than little old Dennis.
Gus Poyet - the master tactician
Kevin Keegan must be mad to appoint Wise. Over the years, the pint-sized cockney has proven himself to be an evil serpent, only looking after himself. Dennis will now have his eye on Keegan's job, and will quite happily stab him in the back to get it. He will then leave his "beloved" Newcastle United and head for the next club which is offering a bigger pay-packet, regardless of how it leaves the Toon Army.
You would be unwise to trust Wise
I am not upset about Wise going. I am not even angry. The thing I am very annoyed about is the bullshit Wise spouted over the last 6 months about team spirit, sticking together, and his long term plans to get Leeds back to the Premiership. He is a liar and a bottler and not somebody I want associated with Leeds United Football Club.
Who do I want as a manager now? Easy. Gus Poyet. I believe Gus was the man to propel Leeds up the table, and think he would welcome a move to become an outright manager, after all, he has ambition (unlike Wise). Other names I would like include Sam Allardyce and Billy Davies; both good, proven managers, but have had their pride hurt of late and have something to prove. No Premiership or (decent) Championship clubs are in need of a new manager, so why not choose Leeds – a club with massive potential?
"Pick me!!! Pick me!!!"
Billy Davies celebrates Wise's resignation - is the job his?
If I was to put a bet on who would get the job, my £2 would be on Paul Ince at MK Dons. He's having a very good season, but to me, doesn't seem much better than Wise. I would like chairman Ken Bates to take the opportunity to bring in a better manager than Dennis; someone who can handle a promotion chase and get into the Premiership. If Ince, Allardyce and Davies don't want it, I suppose Leeds could always settle with José Mourinho.
"Where do I sign?"
"Barca or Leeds... Barca or Leeds..."
Bye bye Wise! Enjoy your money and your pay off next season when you and Kev are inevitably sacked!
One man went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Two men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Three men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Four men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Five men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Six men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Six men, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Seven men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Seven men, Six men, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Eight men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Eight men, Seven men, Six men, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Nine men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Nine men, Eight men, Seven men, Six men, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey
Ten men went to bed, Went to bed with Wisey, Ten men, Nine men, Eight men, Seven men, Six men, Five men, Four men, Three men, Two men, One man and his mobile phone, Went to bed with Wisey!!!
No, I haven’t turned my blog into a porn site (although I probably have received 10,000,000 new hits). The pussy I am on about is the feline kind – i.e. pussy-cat.
Last week, my dad randomly went out and bought a kitten. At first I was sceptical. I don’t like cats and was annoyed he didn’t buy a dog instead – a much nicer animal. However, after spending an evening tormenting the poor creature* I have come to accept that this particular cat, along with lions and tigers, are cool.
The kitten got me thinking; when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet. When you drop toast on the floor, it always lands jam side down. So, what happens if you spread jam on a cat’s back and throw it off a table? I am yet to find out, but I predict it to hover in mid-air - either that or for the universe to implode.
Last night’s trip to the local pub wasn’t the usual, fun experience. There was some party in the back room, and the whole place was full students.
From the looks of things, the party was in aid of Australia Day. What the fuck is all that about? Only the Aussies could be that self-obsessed to expect other countries to celebrate a day in their honour.
It wasn’t very Aussie themed, anyway. The prepubescent looking students who were enjoying the party, were drinking endless bottles of Irish cider, while the DJ blasted out American gangster rap. There was no sign of Rolf Harris, Karl Kennedy or Crocodile Hunter!
If the gangster rap wasn’t hard enough on my ears, there was live music at the bar. It wasn’t very good, but was very loud. At one point, I found myself sat between a crony attempting to sing Valerie by Razorlight, and Tim Westwood’s brother blasting out THE BEST GANGSTA RAP ALBUM IN THE WORLD... EVA! Both merged into one horrible, loud noise. Not nice.
Football can really suck sometimes. Yesterday was a dark day for me. I watched a very bad game at Twerton Park which saw Bath City lose 1-0 to Fisher Athletic. The poor performance of the players was only surpassed by that of the referee and linesman, who were shocking.
As I left the ground, I was comforted by the news that Leeds were beating Luton. When I got home, I learnt that Luton had scored a late goal and drew the game 1-1. What rubbish.
Looking at the leagues tables, I must now accept the fact that neither Bath City nor Leeds United will be champions this season. They must prepare for, and ensure they get into, the play offs – their only chance of promotion.
Leeds have an outside chance of getting the automatic promotion spot of second place, along with the ever-ongoing possibility of having their 15 points returned, but it looks unlikely.
Dark, yet very enjoyable movie. Rather gory, but with very satisfying killings. The kind of film which makes you take the side of who would normally be the villain.
Didn’t realise it was a musical, and when I found out (in the opening scene), I feared the worse. Luckily the singing was kept to a minimum and when they did break out into song, it was well done.
Next time I go to The Raven for a pie, I will think twice before tucking in!
I briefly turned on the Manchester United TV station, MUTV this evening. I am certainly not a subscriber, but a semi-legal football TV channel I do subscribe to was receiving a feed from it for a match between Man Utd and the Arabian club, Al Hilal.
A few observations I have made from the official television station of the Red Scum, I mean Devils.
The commentator has a southern accent. Bearing in mind Manchester United is a northern club, I find this a little strange. Then I remembered – they have to cater for the majority of their fans; most of whom are based in Cornwall.
I think the commentator will have to change his underwear at half time. From the sounds of things, is is becoming aroused everytime Cristiano Ronaldo touches the ball.
Manchester United certainly think a lot of themselves. The commentator announced “I am sure if we score, there will be a massive roar from the home crowd as they love us”. What arrogance and an insult to the fanatic supporters of Al Hilal.
Rio Ferdinand is shit. He was at fault for Al Hilal’s first goal and gave away a penalty. Friendly match or not, he’s rubbish and an overrated, duckbilled moron.
You may be wondering, why am I still watching MUTV if I hate it so much? Well, I’ve turned it off.
I spent over two hours of my very valuable time this morning cleaning the whole of my flat. My fish and pet hamster, Dennis Wise, also had their cages cleaned out. The flat is now very clean and tidy; although my normally soft hands are now hard, sore and smell of bleach. I want to get a cleaning lady (or a wife).
Apologies to anyone who was shopping in Sainsbury’s, Bath yesterday evening. You no doubt witnessed the little accident that took place. A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, carelessly dropped a bottle of Sheppy’s, covering the shop floor in cider and smashed glass. The aroma of red apple did make the shop smell nice though.
To make matters worse, the said friend, refused to clean up the mess he made, despite the fact he is actually employed by Sainsbury’s - his colleagues were not impressed. I know somebody who is on cleanup duty next week...
Love him or hate him, you can’t help but laugh at the misfortunes of Jeremy Clarkson…
Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has admitted he was wrong to brand the scandal of lost CDs containing the personal data of millions of Britons a "storm in a teacup" after falling victim to an internet scam.
The outspoken star printed his bank details in a newspaper to try and make the point that his money would be safe and that the spectre of identity theft was a sham.
He also gave instructions on how to find his address on the electoral roll and details about the car he drives.
However, in a rare moment of humility Clarkson has now revealed the stunt backfired and his details were used to set up a £500 direct debit payable from his account to the British Diabetic Association.
The charity is one of many organisations that do not need a signature to set up a direct debit.
Clarkson, 47, writing in his column in the Sunday Times, decried the furore last year after CDs disappeared containing the banking details of 7 million families.
The loss led to fears of mass identity theft with people's bank accounts open to internet scams.
At the time he wrote: "I have never known such a palaver about nothing. The fact is we happily hand over cheques to all sorts of unsavoury people all day long without a moment's thought. We have nothing to fear."
However, yesterday he told readers he had opened his bank statement to find a direct debit had been set up in his name and £500 taken out of his account.
"The bank cannot find out who did this because of the Data Protection Act and they cannot stop it from happening again," he said. "I was wrong and I have been punished for my mistake."
He added: "Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy."
I have managed to get tickets to go the new Wembley Stadium next month to watch England play Switzerland. Even though it is just a friendly, it should be a good game (yes, even for England). Not only is it my first ever England game, but also a first for new manager, Cabbageman Capello.
My friend, John sent me this the other day. I have it on good authority this is no fake and was actually taken at his workplace. Even though it’s not the big, fat, hairy variety of spider, I’m very glad I don’t work for Easynet!
Surely Kev is the man to win Newcastle United the Premiership, Champions League, FA Cup, Grand National and Boat Race. If not, they can always sack him and get someone else.
Supping on Bulmers, while watching Leeds beat Crewe live on Sky Sports, with the players impressing even Simon the Gooner - not a bad way to spend an evening.
It was nice to see Leeds striker, Jermaine Beckford grab the winner; even nicer to see his commitment in the post-match interview. When asked about his future at Leeds, he looked down at his kit and replied “What shirt am I wearing, Bruv?”
Clearly a young man with aspirations, who therefore has no plans of joining a mediocre club like Derby. He does speak like a West London chav, though – still, you can’t have everything.
My external hard drive with all my MP3s and videos is misbehaving. One of the partitions will not be read, the second is running incredibly slowly. Luckily it looks like I have been successful in transferring the MP3s to the PC HDD. Time to buy a new external drive next month – I may treat my PC to a 750gig drive.
That frickin’ fire alarm is screwed again, and going off for no apparent reason, except to annoy the hell out of me. Not in my flat this time, in another; but as all of the other flats are networked, my own alarm keeps randomly going off. Very annoying!
Anybody remember all the hassle I had with TalkTalk last year? Well they called me up the other day, begging me to come back to them. Their selling tactics and excuses for their poor service were laughable. Here is just some of the rubbish they spouted to me before I hung up.
I still have nightmares about this company
When I informed them I had waited in excess of 3 months for my broadband, and still had no connection when I left, I was told “Many TalkTalk customers have waited in excess of 4 months, and were even charged for the time they had no service” Gee; I guess I was one of the lucky ones. Am I supposed to feel grateful?
Their reasoning on why their service is better than BT “1 in 6 UK households is a TalkTalk customer – we must be doing something right” 1 in 6 households are customers. How many actually have a service?
They then went on to ask if I made international calls (which I don’t) and how much I spend on telephone calls each month (£0.00 – all calls are made via my mobile). When told they could knock I few pounds off my line rental, I replied “I wouldn’t have TalkTalk if it was free”, before ending the call.
I urge you anyone; don’t be convinced by this company. They screwed me over big time (luckily I escaped), and I haven’t been the only one bitten. You have been warned.
I had a little flutter on today’s football matches. I thought I would have an accumulator – apparently a good way of making easy money...
Arsenal did me proud by beating Burnley as I predicted. Unfortunately Derby, Fulham and Liverpool all let me down, failing to win, and costing me a lot of money.
I thought I would make my money back by placing a further bet on Arsenal to score 3+ goals. Why did I bother? The self-proclaimed best team in Europe couldn’t put more than 2 goals past a 10 man Championship team. Bugger.
I think I need to go to Gamblers Anonymous and admit I have a problem. I lost a massive £3.00 today. I need to it to the professionals.
Every football club has its crazy, elderly fanatic. This one I found on YouTube is simply hilarious. Anybody suggesting that this is going to be me, 40 years from now, will feel my wrath.
I travelled to Hampshire yesterday to watch Bath City play Eastleigh in what was a very entertaining game of football. Here’s a brief summary of the major events.
9 min – City find themselves 1-0 down 11 min – Our misery is compiled when Eastleigh’s lead is doubled to 2-0 21 min – City fans are given glimmer of hope when a penalty is awarded. Dave Gilroy converts it - 2-1 25 min – The joy is short lived when Eastleigh regain their 2 goal advantage. 3-1. 60 min – Any hopes of getting a result are dealt a major blow when a Bath City player is sent off. 65 min – Game on! Bath City hero, Chris Holland, heads home a goal to make it 3-2. 75 min – The moment we thought it was well and truly over... Eastleigh get a fourth. 4-2 86 min – Dave Gilroy sends the City fans wild by scoring a wonder goal. 4-3. Too little, too late??? 89 min – Apparently not. City are awarded a second penalty. Gilroy converts. Claims his hat trick. City fans, players and management go mental. 4-4.
3-1 and you fucked, sorry, “messed” it up!
The funniest moment of the day came when a certain City player yelled instructions to his team mate while pointing to one of Eastleigh’s more dangerous looking players “C’mon Geth - snap the fuckers legs!”. What great sportsmanship. His mother was stood close by. She must be so proud.
I finished Call of Duty 4 yesterday. A truly amazing game and the best shoot-em-up since GoldenEye, over 10 years ago. I would like to re-visit and complete it again on a higher difficulty, as well as try some online games; but time is a factor – I still have to complete Guitar Hero 3 and Sega Rally. Tomb Raider: Anniversary is in the post too, so I have a lot of gaming to do, and only so much time to do it in.
I see Leeds United manager, Dennis Wise is in a bit of bother. As the story goes, he was driving home on New Years Eve with his pregnant wife and kids when some yobs started throwing stones at his car. Wisey being Wisey got out of his car and chased them, making a citizens arrest on one. Unfortunately the little bugger got away.
The yob is now crying assault. The police seem to have laughed off his allegation. They know too well that if Dennis Wise had really assaulted the chav, he wouldn’t have been able to run off.
It’s kind of funny really. A bunch of chavs sitting on the street corner, drinking Stella and WKD. They decide to show off their “Wicked Side” by throwing stones at an oncoming car. I bet they shat themselves when they saw a furious-looking Dennis Wise chasing after them!
Well done to Wise for sticking up for himself and his family.
I picked up a new computer for £150 in the PC World sale today. It’s nothing special, but will be more than adequate to play all those movies and music files I (legally) download.
After picking up the machine, I went to McDonalds. I haven’t been in ages, and now I remember why. Along with my Big Mac, I went for a healthy option of salad. The lettuce was brown and starting to decompose. On hindsight, the fries would have been better for me.
