Poor, Jealous Fools

Having stumbled across this online petition, it would seem that every club in League One is crapping themselves at the sight of the famous Leeds United in the Play Off places, who have already overturned a 15 point deficit and remained unbeaten.

Apart from these terrified League One fans, jealous League Two supporters and nervous Championship followers (anticipating Leeds’ return next season), it seems nobody else has signed this petition, apart from, very comically, Leeds fans themselves. Maybe they’re hoping Gordon Brown will enforce a 30-point penalty; at least Dennis Wise and the gang will face some kind of a challenge to win the league!

Communication Problems

Following a rather disappointing FA Cup exit for a battling Bath City, I met up Simon and Watkins for the evening. We decided to get pizza from the local takeaway, which caused rather a few problems. Simon ended up humiliating himself, while at the same time insulting an Italian man. The conversation went something like this.

Simon: “Can I order a Meat Feast pizza please?”
Italian: “Certainly, sir”
Simon: “Can you put beef on it as an extra topping?”
Italian: (rather confused) “It has beef”
Simon: “No. Can I have beef as an extra topping please!”
Italian: (now more confused) “But there is beef!”
Simon: (getting rather annoyed and speaking slowly) “Can I have some ‘B-E-E-F’ on my ‘P-I-Z-Z-A’?”
Italian: (points at the menu) “Mincemeat is beef; that is on pizza”

At that point Simon realised his mistake, paid the man and waited for his pizza; hoping the Italian he had just insulted wouldn’t violate it with his genitalia.

The Circus Is In Town

Friday night, while in the local pub, I noticed a rather pathetic sight. A middle aged man; fat and balding, walking around, dressed head to toe in a Manchester United kit, with TEVEZ 32 printed on the back. Why do these overweight 40-somethings feel the need to dress up as their idols? It wasn’t just because he was a ManU fan, if he was wearing a Leeds shirt with BECKFORD 9 on the back, he would look just as ridiculous; some may argue more so.

That's Better!

Brilliant result!
Fantastic game!
The stuff of dreams!
Newport County 2-3 Bath City!
Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya?

A useful tip I learnt from tonight...
Don’t stand in the main terrace of the home fans and cheer when your team scores. I was surrounded by hundreds of angry Welshmen, and got rather scared. So much so, I headed for the seated stands in the second half and discretely watched City win the wonderful match, amongst grumpy old ex-miners moaning at the players, referee and management team.

A Different World

This evening I went to Twerton Park to watch the Bath City Youth take on Tiverton Youth in the FA Youth Cup. Some 120 miles away, Arsenal seniors played Slavia Prague in the UEFA Champions League.

• The “Bath Babes” lost 3-0. Arsenal won 7-0.
• The football I watched was playground stuff. Arsenal’s was sublime.
• The referee at Twerton was teaching the boys how to play; whereas the official at The Emirates was struggling to communicate with all the different nationalities.
• The lino at Twerton had a beer belly and man breasts. The linesman at The Emirates had a tan and botox treatment.
• I paid £2 to get in. Some Gooners were charged in excess of £200.
• I stood with two other City fans, pitchside in an otherwise empty stand. Arsenal fans were packed like sardines, hundreds of feet up, in their superbowl-style stadium.
• I stood shivering hoping I wouldn’t catch hyperfermia. Arsenal fans enjoyed their warm, heated seats. At least four fans now have piles.
• I forced down a bottle of Coke and a Crunchie bar. Arsenal fans dined on prawn sandwiches and caviar; all washed down with lashings-upon-lashings of Cava.

Weekend Overview

Football
Bath City – rubbish performance, shattered players, 3 points dropped.
Leeds United – another win, another 3 points, 6 points of 1st place.
Phill Neville – Sent off against Liverpool for a save that Paul Robinson can only dream of making.

Egg Chasing
England lose the egg-and-spoon-race final. Awww... did-ums.

F1
Poor Lewis. Inevitable after the previous race. Hopefully some good will come of this.

Rest of my weekend
Too late to blog anymore.

Afternoon Tea

This afternoon at work I was dared to eat a teabag. The rules were, it had to be consumed in one single mouthful, without the aid of water or other fluid. Normally I wouldn't stoop to such immature levels (no, really), but there was a £10 prize in it for me if I managed to swallow it. This was always going to be a tricky one for me, especially as I hate tea.

After much thought and contract writing (to ensure I was indeed paid) I managed to build up a mouthful of saliva, and popped a compressed teabag into my mouth. Seconds later, I swallowed it. The bag got stuck in my throat. I had to do one of two things. Cough it back up or risk vomiting my lunch all over the office floor. I chose the former.

I didn't win the tenner, but at least I tried. I also learnt that it is impossible to eat a teabag.

My David Brent Training

This week on my management course, or “David Brent Training” as Sam refers to it, I learnt all about delegating tasks. I’m not currently in a management or supervisory role, but a lot of what I learnt I have noticed from those currenlty above me… “File this for me, get this for me, suck this for me.…” - don’t worry; that quote is from Peep Show and not from a real life experience of mine.

Along with being forced to write a boring assessment and have mind-numbing conversations with my fellow learners, we also watched a video - always a good way to get the attention of weary students, or giving them an excuse to have a quick sleep.

Unlike the last session, this weeks training video didn’t feature the likes of the genius, John Cleese. Instead a bunch of cockney-wideboys acted (poorly) in a short film about WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T DELEGATE. The video looked like it was set in the 1970’s and judging by the quality of the audio on the cassette, it had probably been made back then too. Every now and then, mid-conversation, the actors would change from annoying stereotypical cockneys into a deep, slurred, Darth Vadars, as the well-worn video tape tried to prevent itself from snapping in two. A comical moment in an overall boring video.

Every Dog Has Its Day

Time to go, Tufty, time to go. Step up “The Special One”.

"1 Own Goal, Please!"

I’m just recovering and drying off after getting rather wet going to Twerton Park to watch Bath City play Weston Super Mare in the Setanta Shield.

I don’t rate the S.S. at all. In fact I think it is a distraction from the league and FA Cup and is detrimental to a club’s season; especially as the rules state you have to play 10 of your regular 11 players in each round - a ridiculous clause, and one I find to be bordering on illegal.

While standing alongside 167 other fans, soaking wet and sodden, I was almost praying for Weston to win. The game went on and on, and the scoreline remained at 0-0. Late into the game, Matt Coupe got a goal for City. I didn’t know whether to cheer or cry. I did neither. Instead I clapped modestly; in the way you may applaud a child in a school pantomime who hasn’t performed very well. The rain which had been falling steadily for 90minutes then turned into a monsoon - perfect timing for Weston to grab an equaliser and force another 30minutes of dire football.

The final half hour was played in horrendous conditions. City fans winched as players fell to the water-logged pitch, following bone shattering tackles from clumsy Weston defenders. Luckily all Bath players got away unscaved. Unluckily City won the game 3-2 and will be forced to play an equally pointless and dangerous game against Newport next month.

Rubbish competition and one which Setanta; who are supposed to be priding themselves in offering quality football in a Sky dominated world, should be ashamed of.

Merry Christmas?

I think I had better check my calendar as I worry that I have been in a coma for 2 months and it is actually December! I went through Saltford this evening, and passed the village's local Post Office. I was more than a little surprised to see the whole of the front window covered in Christmas decorations! Tinsel, lights, baubles - the whole lot!

It was absolute madness. I could understand to a degree if BHS put up a tree in their seasonal section; after all many people do start their Crimbo shopping in October, but in a Post Office! The only reason I can possibly think of is that due to the threat of further postal strikes, the only way to guarantee a Christmas delivery, is to post your letters and parcels by the end of the month.

Behind Enemy Lines

For the first time in a while, I had a free Saturday afternoon due to Bath City having already played on the Friday. I joined a fellow Bath City fan and went to Chippenham to watch their cup game.

Walking past 200+ Chipp fans at their death trap of a ground, I felt like an undercover spy, mixing with the enemy. I passed one man with a drum, dressed head to toe in blue Chippenham Town memorabilia. I was temped to break out in song “Oh, we hate Chippenham, oh we hate Chippenham…” but thought I’d rather not go home in a Wiltshire ambulance, especially after I had paid for a return ticket on the train.

Chippenham were playing Bashley - whoever they are, or where in England they are located, I do not know. ”Bash” were dire and Chippenham won 5-1. A deserved victory, although I noticed many weaknesses in the home teams performance. If we (City) are drawn against Chipp in the FA Cup, I will be advising the Bath City management of my findings.

Saturday evening I joined Simon down the Dolphin pub. It was busy as there was some sporting event on the TV. England were playing France in some minor competition - egg and spoon race I think. It was of absolutely no interest to me, but at least I was able to enjoy a few drinks.

A Win In Wales!

I went to Wales this evening to watch Bath City play Newport in the FA Cup. Every time I have gone to Wales in the past, bad things always seems to happen to me, especially when it involves football. It didn’t start too well this evening either.

After getting off the coach, the first thing I saw was a piece of dog excrement. No word of a lie! What a nice welcome to Wales that was. We did manage to get access to the clubhouse; but only after being given wristbands and escorted in like primary school children. Upon entering the bar, I found they had completely sold out of hot food, the queue to buy drinks was massive, and the selection of beverages very poor.

Still, I came to watch the football - that did not disappoint. City dominated for the vast majority of the game, and came away worthy 2-1 winners. Bath were by far the better team, and it wasn’t until late on in the match, when Newport scored to turn City’s 2-0 lead to just 2-1. To say the final 10 minutes of the game were nerve-wrecking would be a gross underestimate. This stress, however, made for a entertaining match. The most important thing is, for the first time ever, I left Wales with a win.

Bring on the FA Cup draw on Monday. A nice easy team at home, please; then Leeds United in the 1st Round Proper - my dream tie!

A Welsh Farce

I’m off to Wales tonight to watch football. Last time I travelled across The Severn to watch a footy match, bad things happened. Hopefully Bath City will fair a little better in Wales when they play Newport in the FA Cup.

The match has been a bit of a farce. Firstly, it was originally set for tomorrow at 3pm - clashing with the England-Estonia game. You would have thought that The FA would not organise their own major cup competition to be played at exactly the same time as the very national team they govern. Pathetic.

City fans were then told that Newport are segregating the game, and giving the Bath supporters the seated area (anyone for prawn sandwiches?). They are also closing the bar to away fans, so when we arrive an hour early in a cold, wet Wales; all we will have to do is sit down and freeze to death, sober, while we wait for kick off.

Still, looking on the brightside - there is a chance those travelling on the coach may get access to the clubhouse, and more importantly, IT’S THE FA CUP! Come on City!

Sultana Sports

This evening I found out I could subscribe to Setanta Sports on the internet. Long time readers of my blog will know, that due to having an enchanted forest at the foot of my garden, I am unable to pick up a Freeview or Sky signal. Therefore, the only way I can follow football in my flat is via radio or some dodgy peer-2-peer internet stream.

Tonight, however, I am an official subscriber of Setanta. £7.99 gets me Setana Sports 1, Setana Sports 2. Setana Sports Golf (about as much interest to me as MUTV), as well as lots of archived footy. This evening was Torquay v Oxford United. Oxford went 3-0 up by half time. Torquay made an amazing second half comeback to make the finalscore 3-3. What a game. Setanta is fast becoming known as “the comeback channel”, with many of the matches featuring heroic comebacks from one of the sides playing. It was only the other week Spurs came back from 4-1 down to draw 4-4 with Aston Villa - a game which was shown on Setanta.

Back To School

I’ve been attending some management training course at work the last few weeks. The course will hopefully enable me to be in a position to apply for supervisory and management roles in the future - something that I am not interested in at this moment in time, but the idea of more money in my pay packet and hitting people with big sticks may be attractive one day.

Up until now, the course has been quite good, even interesting in places - I was bored today though. A lot of this weeks session covered meetings; why we should have them, why we shouldn’t, who should attend the meetings, how they shouldn’t, blah blah blah… The one highlight of the day was watching some training video featuring John Cleese. Apparently it’s quite a famous tool used by managers and trainers.

You've Been Framed!

As promised, a clip of a Bath City goal at Cambridge City from last month - the game I was on the camera for. If you like what you see, I am available for weddings, parties and "private" home movies :o)

I Havant A Clue

I dragged myself out of bed at this horrible time to watch the F1. If everything goes to plan, the young English driver, Lewis Hamilton, could win the championship in China today. It’s very early on in the race, but instead of going back to bed and missing the finale, I thought I would do something constructive and blog.

Yesterday, I made the trip towards the south coast to watch Bath City take on Havant and Waterlooville (what a name!). The game was dire. You could say I ‘havant’ seen a worse performance in ages. The referee was also terrible - one of the worst we have had in ages. City fans are normally quite placid, but the moron in the black yesterday really incited the supporters. The ref may have been poor, but the players were worse and cannot complain about losing 1-0.

Leeds continued their marvellous start to the season, and beat Yeovil 1-0; leaving it late again, grabbing a cheeky goal - are we ManU in disguise? Dennis Wise has to be commended. He has, indeed, given Leeds the best start to a season in the clubs history… In 1973/4, we saw Leeds start the season WWWWWWWDWD. This season has seen WWWWWWWDWW - well done boys. Critics could argue that the opposition has been different - Arsenal, Spurs and ManU, as opposed to Oldham, Gillingham and Yeovil - never mind, hey.

Boys With Toys

I finally received my insurance payout from the MoreThan dog. In case you have forgotten, back in August I had a little mishap involving a glass of beer and my laptop. Suffice to say, my old machine is now in Lappy Heaven.

The payout was rather generous - £550 (although I did have to fork out £100 excess). The credit was in a form of a voucher for PC World. I eagerly walked down to the shop, clutching my voucher. As Homer Simpson would put it “I was like a kid in some kind of a store”.

I found a lovely Compaq laptop for only £400 - miles better than my last machine in every possible way - apart from an annoying little application known as Windows Vista, which came pre-loaded; I can live with that, after-all, I’ll have to support it one day.

As the laptop cost only £400, I was left with £150 store credit. What should I buy? 3 Xbox 360 games? My weight in DVDRs? A whole tree worth of printing paper? A Windows XP CD (to get rid of Vista)? No, I bought a lovely, new “Slim & Light PlayStation Portable” with Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories.

Thank you Mr. Insuranceman. You made me very, very happy!

What A Waste Of Taxes!

Congratulations to Bath City for showing everyone a perfect example of “Men against boys” and giving the “students” of Team Bath a lesson in football. City beat the Tax Burden 3-0 in the Somerset Cup, last night; a competition not rated by City fans, although a favourite of the university team – they are, after-all, the current holders (not anymore!). Still, City are through to the second round of a cup they don’t give a damn about, while Tax have crashed out of their precious competition.

Its funny – in Team Bath’s short history, they have never once managed to beat Bath City in a first team fixture (and even last night City fielded a weakened side to Tax’s first choice outfit). Rather strange this, as I thought they were meant to be rather good. Maybe the government will enforce a tax hike and give the Team Bath management a boost to the transfer kitty?

We were speculating at work what clubs are actually awarded for winning the Somerset Cup. I think this pitchfork is a fitting prize.

Also, many congrats to Leeds who proved, when given a competent, unbiased referee who has been given the gift of sight (unlike last Saturday) they can continue to win games. A marvellous 1-0 win away to Oldham puts The Whites just 4 points off a play off place, 6 points off 2nd spot and only 9 points away from the top of the league – not bad for a team starting with a -15 deficit.

I've Been Sacked!

Not from by IT job, but on Fifa 08. Apparently the Hereford United board didn’t appreciate my start to the season. Ungrateful sods.

Dagenham & Redbridge (A) – Drew 1-1
Notts County (H) – Lost 1-3
Rotherham (A) – Lost 2-0
Mansfield (H) – Lost 1-3
MK Dons (H) League Cup – Won 5-3 on penalties
Wrexham (H) – Drew 2-2
MK Dons (A) – Won 1-2
Morecambe (H) – Won 1-0
Brentford (A) – Lost 1-0
Crystal Palace (H) League Cup – Lost 4-5 on penalties
Lincoln City (H) – Lost 0-1
Peterborough (A) – Lost 1-0
Barnet (H) – Lost 1-3
Chester (A) – Lost 3-1
Macclesfield (H) – Drew 0-0
Accrington (A) – Lost 1-0

I know just how José Mourinho feels

ILL

I am ill. The cold (or bluetongue) has taken its toll. I was off work today and may not make it in tomorrow. My kettle has been getting a workout today, boiling water for my Lemsip. God help me if it breaks, I’ll have to take my powered drugs without water, or simply inject them into my veins. Can you OD on Lemsip?

Trash TV

With autumn comes the falling of leaves, cold viruses (see my other blog), and new TV series'. Three shows returned with new seasons this week – Simpsons, Family Guy and My Name Is Earl. So far, apart from the latter, I have been rather disappointed.

Simpsons has been poor for the last few years, and this season doesn’t seem to be any different. Family Guy’s quality is deteriorating at a worryingly rate (although the recent Star Wars parody was excellent). The only exception has been My Name Is Earl, which returned with a fantastic episode. Earl is one of the best shows on TV at the moment, and I eagerly await the next episode. South Park is set to resume its 11th season soon, and although in its over ten years old, seems to be getting better with time – kick ass.