Someone Get Me A Job At NME

It’s quite rare that I will actually promote an album on my blog. My musical tastes are somewhat fussy, almost to the extent that if it’s not of Queen or Oasis standard, it must be shit (although you might hear reports that I have played Barbie Girl by Aqua on very rare occasions - mainly as a means of annoying my friend Jon White). However, the new album from The Editors, “An End Has A Start” is truly fantastic.

I am listening to it for the first time as I type, so maybe that is an unfair reflection – after all, I may grow to hate it after a couple of plays, and the remaining tracks could be dire. What I have heard so far though, has been superb.

The album starts with the popular single “Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors” an amazing record, which mixes melancholic moods you may hear on a Coldplay record, with the uplifting beats similar to that of the great U2. Sorry… I’m no music journo, I can’t write very good reviews so won’t try :o)

To call An End Has A Start a “one hit album” would be very wrong. The other tracks, including those which will never be released in single format, are also impressive. I highly recommend this album. Best piece of music I have heard in 2007.

Finally, some people have been calling the album depressing. I think I can explain this one. The Editors are based in Birmingham – a depressing place. Look at The Manics, they took have been accused of having gloomy music – they’re from Wales! To back myself up - Kaiser Chiefs from Leeds - big, loud, thumping sounds. Let us not forget The Wurzles. They may all be over the age of 84, with one foot in the coffin, but they make some hilariously funny songs, and they’re from Somerset!

Fopp Gets the Chop

I was (ever so slightly) saddened to read that music and DVD store, Fopp has gone bust, closing 105 of its stores nationwide.

I used to be a regular customer, and bought some real treasures from there, most notably one of the last remaining Die Hard I & II limited edition DVD boxsets in the country.

Like many customers, I haven’t been in ages and have simply relied upon cheaper online stores for DVD purchases and MP3 downloads. It is inevitable that HMV will also go the same way as Fopp, MVC and Our Price, in the not too distant future.

You have to feel sorry for the staff who have lost a months pay. Expect shit loads of stock from pissed off ex-employees, who beat the liquidators to the stockroom, to appear on eBay.

R.I.P. Fopper

Stop The Starling! *

Making my way home from work today, I saw an injured bird in the car park. I had noticed it earlier on in the morning, but just dismissed it. As it had been there all day though, it was obvious it's wing was injured, so thought I had better help in some way.

I returned to the office and recruited a colleague to help me in capturing the bird. The plan being for me to take it home in a photocopying paper box and nurse it back to health.

Getting anywhere near the poor creature proved troublesome. For an injured bird, it was certainly able to run fast and hide underneath parked cars. After much effort, we decided to give up.

As we admitted defeat and begun to make our way back, the bird leapt out from under a parked car and flew into a nearby tree. Obviously it was less injured than we first thought - or we scared it into flying! Either way, I was left happy that it was back in the safety of a tree and not left on the floor as a tasty ready meal for a cat.

On our return to the office, we decided to be mean, and play a trick on Sam, who had been left behind to man the fort while we went out bird catching. My colleague recorded bird sounds into my mobile phone, which I then placed into the paper box. When Sam inspected the closed box, high-pitched bird song was emitted from inside. We had him fooled for all of 30 seconds until he realised it was simply a mobile phone!

* I say Starling, I think it may be a Thrush. Putting "Stop The Thrush" as a blog title may have lead to many misunderstandings though!

GTA4: Looking For That Special Someone

The second Grand Theft Auto 4 trailer was released on Rockstar’s website today.

As expected, the short clip showed off what we can expect a next-generation GTA to look like. Most of the trailer content appears to be FMV- I just hope the actual playing experience is just as good. Hopefully there will be some in-game footage in the third, final pre-game teaser.

GTA4 hits the UK on Friday 19th October 2007. I have already booked both the Friday and following week off work. If things go to plan, the vast majority of my 10 days off will be spent locked in my flat, curtains drawn, playing the game. I’ll return to work a week later, looking pasty, spotty, fat, and suffering from rickets due to natural light deprivation. I will then go home ill and spend another week playing from my sick bed.

Zimmer-Zim Aaah!

The Spice Girls have reunited for a world tour – but are they too old?

Free Poomtang!

I’m still getting harassed by this girl, via e-mail – she sounds desperate now.

Hi! I am tired today. I am 25 y.o. girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at iuc@anymailonline.info only. You will see some of my private pics.

I may be very wrong, but somehow I don’t think I’ll get any breast or arse from this hottie. By responding, I think the only meat I’ll get is spam. Still, if anyone thinks differently, be my guest and e-mail her. You never know, she may be a lonely, fit 25 year old girl, typing in random e-mail addresses, and desperate for sex.

Who Are Ya? Who Are Ya?

President Blairs may have only departed Downing Street a few hours ago, and his wife’s hairs may still be in the plughole of the bath, but it’s clear that all us Brits have forgotten about him already. According to BBC News, more people in the UK care that ex-Celebrity Big Brother contestants, Preston and Chantelle, have split up than the fact Blair has a new job – (ironically) as a peace keeper in Iraq.

GTA: Bath II

A revised GTA: Bath cover. I think it's better.

Grand Theft Auto: Bath

In between fixing annoying computer problems at work today, Sam and I discussed a very important topic – one which any self-respecting Grand Theft Auto fan has almost certainly contemplated at some point in their life… What would happen if a GTA game was made in their hometown – in our case, Bath.

Bath is a small city, and having played the massive San Andreas on the PlayStation 2, I feel confident that it would be possible to map the whole of the town, including shops, streets, landmarks, etc into one single game – especially with the technological advances now offered by the Xbox 360 and PS3.

Bath is a historical city, and would offer many opportunities and new ideas for GTA game designers. Here are a few we thought up…

• All new vehicles including hot air balloons, bendy buses, canal boats, city tour buses and horse taxis
• Locations including Bath Abbey, riverside and tow path, city centre, Bath Rugby ground, Bath City F.C., Victoria Park and the Roman Baths
• New enemies including Twerton chavs, charity workers, tramps and rugby fans
• When you get arrested (or “busted”), you would re-appear outside Bath Police Station in town.
• Getting killed (or “wasted”), would re-spawn you outside A&E at The Royal United Hospital.

The possibilities are endless. If by some chance, an employee of Rockstar is reading my blog, why not make the next GTA game in the series (after IV) set in Bath – you know it makes sense – I even designed a front cover for the game!

Rats and Sinking Ships

I saw this today on Kitbag.com. Time to update the site, I think…

 
Henry leads the exodus

Sorry Simon! Please don’t kill me.

My RSS Is Fucked

Firstly, for those of you not geeky enough to know what RSS is, click here. I am sure you’ll find that link far more entertaining than this blog entry.

If you do read my blog via RSS or Atom, you may have noticed some older blog entries have found their way back into the feeds. This is an error on my part. I was doing some website maintenance, and it appears if you mess around with draft posts (which shouldn’t really be there), previous blog entries can get re-published as new. Is that clear? If not, watch this.

Is It Because I Lied When I Was 17?

It seems as if it has been raining in Bath for weeks and weeks and weeks. It’s supposed to be fucking summer! If I had a garden, I certainly wouldn’t be getting scared about the prospect of a hosepipe ban, rather the fact that all my plants would have drowned under the June monsoon we have had set upon us.

A recent check of the weather on BBC Online doesn’t suggest things are going to change either!

My Weekend

My weekend was rather uneventful – nothing of amazing interest took place…

On Friday I went to the pub with Chris from work for a few well-deserved pints. The evening’s activities were somewhat more refrained than my previous night out with work friends. There were no fights with swans, ducks, or any other animal for that matter. After drinking, I made my way home, cooked burgers in my George Formby Grill, and spent the rest of the evening watching TV, courteous of Channel 4 – remembering to turn off whenever Big Brother came on.

Nothing much happened last night either. Mr. Watkins did manage to make it down to Bath before his night shift, so we met Simon in town. Watkins, who had been sleeping all day, insisted that we visit Nandos so he could have some PeriPeri chicken for breakfast. Not wanting to disappoint, Simon and I agreed.

There was much ribbing towards Simon, a Gooner, on the subject of Terry Henry leaving Arsenal. Watkins, who is not a football fan, came out with the best insults on the situation. I simply suggested that I’ll be getting “HENRY” printed on the back of my Barcelona shirt. Simon believes Tezza’s absence will have absolutely no effect on the team, and confidently predicted that The Gunners will finish 2nd in the league next season. I don’t believe this for one moment, but am posting it now in order to remind him of our conversation next May.

After Nandos, Watkins drove back to Sky HQ (AKA “Hell”) for his nights work, while Simon and I went back to my flat where we watched a bit of TV. I later kicked Simon out of my flat and into the street (in the politest possible way) before going to bed, tired after my long, hardworking day.

SNES Stories

Check out this new video games mix I made.
It's like the Sega Megadrive one from last week, but with SNES clips.

Wish You Were Here?

It’s been raining today in Bath. Unsurprising really, as it’s the Glastonbury Festival only a short drive down the road, and that venue is always a mud pit.

I really wanted to go this year, however never attempted to get tickets - maybe I will next year. There are a few things that put me off though – the faeces filled portaloos for one thing. I also don’t like the idea of sleeping in several inches of muddy water, even though that’s the whole spirit of Glastonbury.

 

If I was to go next year, I would have to get hold of a caravan or a “Max and Paddy Wagon” complete with a dry bed, shower and chemical toilet.

There are of course a lot of good things about the festival. The music, the events, the good old Somerset atmosphere, and just to be able to say “I’ve been to Glastonbury Festival”

If like me, you wish you were there, I have a solution. Here’s what you need…

1) Some buckets of mud
2) Bottles of cider – not the White Lightning stuff
3) Some more buckets of mud
4) A walkman tuned into Radio 1
5) Yet more mud filled buckets
6) Some drugs – If like me you don't take drugs, just give these to some random hippy type
7) Further supplies of mud
8) Cows, sheep and pigs
9) Yet more mud
10) A cheap tent from Argos

I’m out to buy these things now. I may have some trouble obtaining No.6, will have to pop into Sainsbury’s and buy a bag of Oregano as a substitute.

England - Proud at Last

Last night I watched some football - England against Holland in the Under 21 European Championship. Like with all major competitions over the last 40+ years, England lost. Also like with all the major competitions over the last 40+ years, they were defeated on penalties.

The game lasted a massive 3 hours (probably the longest match I've ever seen), thanks to extra time and an extensive penalty shootout that included 32 spot-kicks. England lost 12-13, which was rather enraging. The senior squad were unable to even score a pen last summer, so when their junior counterparts manage to net a few, you would expect them to win the damn thing!

I can't really fault the England players who missed, but will say had I taken a pen, I would have scored as my spot-kick record is immense – 100%. 1 taken, 1 scored at Bath City's Twerton Park. I don't think it would be unfair to call myself an English Zinedine Zidane.

The overall performance was outstanding, one of the best I have ever seen from an England team. They were young lads, playing away from home in difficult conditions. Many of them became injured, but carried on battling over 3 gruelling hours. If only the likes of Lampard, Terry, Rooney and Ferdinand would put in half that effort for their country, England would be world champions.

Now we just need to kick Steve "Tufty" McClaren out, and get Stuart Pearce in to sort the senior team out!

To Ray, Or Not To Ray

While in town on Friday afternoon, a gadget in Gamestation caught my eye – a HD DVD Player for the Xbox 360, priced at a very reasonable £99.99. I was half tempted to buy it - on hindsight I am glad I didn’t. Of course it wouldn’t have just been £100. AV interconnects would have to be purchased, not to mention a selection of discs to play. Total cost for me = approx £200.

 

It did drag me into the whole HD-DVD v Blu-Ray debate. I noticed today that US branches of Blockbuster Video will be supporting the Blu-Ray format, and only offering HD-DVDs in certain stores. If the Yanks are doing it, I am sure that us Brits will follow.

At this moment in time, Blu-Ray looks better. There is a greater selection of titles, and they seem to be of better value. I haven’t watched a HD-DVD, but did see Casino Royale on Blu-Ray last month which was impressive, even for a disappointing movie.

At the moment, standalone Blu-Ray players are retailing for £500+, a figure way out of my price range. If I was to spend half a grand on a piece of equipment, it would be on a PlayStation 3 which comes with Blu-Ray technology.

Like standard DVD players, its inevitable prices will drop, and when they do, I’ll buy one. The question is “What system will win the war?” My money would be on Blu-Ray.

TalkSport

Firstly, apologies to all of those who hate my sport blogs, as this is going to be one on the sensitive topic – be fair though, I haven’t mentioned football for some weeks now.

Congratulations are well and truly in order for Lewis Hamilton, the F1 driver. Back-to-back victories, and so much achieved at such a young age. I think ‘Little Lewis’ has rekindled my interest in motor sport.

I also wish to give praise to the England Under-21 football team. This evening they beat Serbia to reach the semi-finals in the European Championship. I just wish their senior counterparts could play with such effort and desire.

Finally, congratulations to Real Madrid for winning La Liga. As a Barca fan, I cannot deny the fact I am disappointed, but the best team won, and it seemed fitting that Sir Beckham (as he will soon, no doubt be known) should bow out with a winners medal. I watched the celebrations on TV, and have to be honest, they were nothing compared to those when Bath City won the league last month.

Good night!

You're My Wife Now

I got this in my e-mail today. Something tells me this isn’t the future love of my life…

Hi,
i am here sitting in the internet caffe. Found your email and
decided to write. I am 25 y.o.girl.
I have a picture if you want. No need to reply here as
this is not may email. Write me at avivian7@bestvisiongroup.info

Needless to say, I won’t be replying. If anyone else wants her, feel free to use the e-mail address to make contact. You never know, she may exist and be really, really hot!

Megadrive Memories

Following yesterday’s video game nostalgia, I spent the afternoon putting together a montage of Sega Mega Drive clips. Take a look - I think you’ll agree that it kicks some serious ass.

Night on the Town

Last night I met Simon in town. Watkins was unable to come. I think the government froze his bank account following the July bombings, or so I have been told. Anyway, his parents have all his money, and they’re in another country.

Simon and I went to Nandos. We hadn’t been there in a while, so thought it was apt that we pay the Portuguese staff another visit. After eating what was an unusually greasy piece of PeriPeri chicken, we went downstairs to TGI Fridays as Simon wanted a cocktail. I sat at the bar with my bottle of Magners, while Simon consumed his 3-drinks-in-1 combo. We left shortly afterwards, and I stole a balloon - they’ll all be deflated by morning, and the drinks were vastly overpriced, so I think my theft was justified.

On the way home, we popped into Sainsbury’s Local. The visit reminded me as to why I rarely venture into Bath city centre on a Saturday night. Some old, piss-soaked drunkard was pacing up and down the aisles, while an irritable chap from a nearby takeaway restaurant caused me some trouble at the checkout queue.

Simon, the balloon and I quickly escaped to my flat where we watched Hot Fuzz on DVD. Good times.

 

Sonic and Mario

I mentioned earlier today that Sonic and Mario had never collaborated in a game before. I lied. There has been a video game featuring both heroes. It was an unofficial release in the form of a SNES ROM

The ROM was probably made my some very weird gaming geek who is now incarcerated in a mental hospital. It was very strange and a tad disturbing. Don’t believe me, check this.

Cyber Razor Cut

While browsing the internet today, I noticed an article on a new video game – Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.

Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog, in a video game together – they’re arch rivals, it’s just wrong for them to collaborate! I remember, as a young child, gaming magazines like Sega Force and Mean Machines Sega, would encourage their readers to send them pictures of Sonic disembowelling Mario and Luigi. It was a fierce rivalry.

Video games are not what they used to be. Bring back the 16-bit consoles! Anybody remember this advert? Classic.

The Day The Network Died

The network at work died today, along with any remaining sanity I once had. The outage meant that the phones were busy - very busy. I think I logged 80+ calls in the space of two hours. By lunchtime, the door to my brain had slammed shut, and I was unable to take in anymore information. I was useless.

Unlike most IT problems I normally have to deal with, today’s requests required no thought process whatsoever - I didn’t even need to ask the users to “turn the PC off and on again”. My responses were along the lines of “The network is fucked. Nothing can be done. Get some paper and a pen. Tough shit!” although in a somewhat more diplomatic manner (to most customers, anyway).

I believe the problem was caused by somebody plugging both ends of an Ethernet cable into a mini-switch. To put that in non-technical terms, remember that episode of The Simpson’s where Marge makes Bart a living digestive system, and Nelson Muntz plugs the rectum into the mouth “to solve world hunger”. Well, the result of that was kind of what happened to our system - messy.

I left work early to go shopping in town, and ended up getting soaked in the rain - rather predictable really. Not because I am unluckily, but because it’s been pissing it down for the last week. Things had to be purchased though, including birthday and Father’s Day presents, food, and Hot Fuzz on DVD.

Finally, for the first Friday in what seems like months, I am going to spend an evening in my flat by myself, and not go out. I will eat curry, I may have a drink, watch a DVD, all in time for The Friday Night Project, before going to bed. Rock and roll.

Insane in the Membrane

Apologies for my recent bout of blogging constipation, but I haven’t had a great deal to write about since the weekend…

The weather’s been crap - hot, humid and wet. It has made my head and teeth hurt. I have no paracetamols in my flat, so have had to resort to drinking Lemsip to ease the pain. The heat has also affected my sleep. Maybe I should get some drugs to help me at night. Lovely sedatives.

My evenings have been boring. I have not been able to go out due to the weather, so have had to stay inside for hours upon end. I am avoiding TV altogether – the thought of watching a flock of gaggling women and feminine gay men in Big Brother is just awful.

Work has been strange. Today we had a water fight in the office. When I say “water fight” I am kind of lying – I accidentally/on-purpose poured a glass of water over Sam’s head to see what would happen. Nobody else, myself included, got wet, therefore the whole “fight” statement isn’t a true reflection on what actually took place.

We also had a discussion as to whether or not the term “smooth a cat” was correct English. Both Sam and I are fully familiar with the term, yet everyone else in the office didn’t have a clue as to its meaning (which is to “stoke a cat”). I can’t fully remember how the conversation ended, but someone mentioned that we like to seduce felines.

I booked lots of time off work for the rest of the year, including the last two weeks in August. If anyone can arrange a holiday for me in that period, it may save my sanity. Watkins – will your boat be purchased by then?

Weekend in Wells

Last night Simon and I went to Watkins’ house in Wells. We spent the evening having a few beers, a curry and playing a bit of Bomberman. A good night - thank you Mr. Watkins.

Today he showed Simon and me around his hometown of Wells, including many of the locations used in the film Hot Fuzz.

We then returned to Bath where we spent a ridiculously hot afternoon in the park, enjoying sandwiches and drinks bought from the new coffee shop which has recently opened near to where I live. An enjoyable weekend, if not a little hot.

Here’s some pictures of Wells and Hot Fuzz.

 Firstly, the high street - seen throughout the film

 

 The exterior of Somerfield. There was a different location for the inside shots.

 

The church where Tim Messenger (Adam Buxton) met his fate

 

 

 The corner shop - they really do sell Cornettos!

 

 The pub. Nuff said.

 

 Just an ordinary lane? Look closer...

They Can Break Your Arm

Work was a tad stressful yesterday afternoon. At one point I resorted to bashing my head on the desk in a Basil Fawlty nervous-breakdown manner. I was left with a little bruise, however, the mouse which my forehead made contact with, may never “left click” again.

After work, Sam and I decided to find a pub. It was either drinking a pint of Fosters in the evening sun, or drop kicking an LCD monitor through a glass window – I think you’ll all agree that we made the sensible, although less fun, approach.

The pint was nice, but stress can build up an appetite. We made the long walk from Weston Village, all the way to The Boathouse in Newbridge. There we enjoyed a nice meal by the riverside, in the company of local wildlife - wildlife in the form of ducks and swans…

The ducks were tolerable. They would waddle around the place, looking for dropped food. They were of no danger, and neither Sam nor I were scared of them. The swans however were something else. A swan is like a massive, mutated and very pissed off duck. They are not afraid of humans, and I am sure that the story of them breaking men’s arms is no myth.

The swan encounter did start off innocent enough. The bird would circle our table, eating grass and occasionally glancing at us, hoping we would take pity on it and throw it something tastier. At this “safe point”, I took this video of it. Ignore all comments on the film about us actually punching it - that was just pub talk, although on hindsight, maybe attacking it would have been a clever move.

Shortly after the video was taken, the swan became more confident. It approached our table and started helping itself to your meals. We tried to fend it off by throwing unwanted chips, carrots and packets of tomato ketchup at it, but that didn’t work. The swan wanted meat, and when it realised our dinner was all gone, turned it’s attentions to me.

Luckily I escaped unscathed (just), but it was a very close encounter. I will never threaten to fight a swan again!

Merry Christmas, Simon

Simon reached the grand old age of 47 this weekend, yet still looks considerably younger – not a day over 25 :o)

To celebrate his birthday, Watkins and I dragged him to a field of wheat and made him sit in the sun for an hour (yes - we really did). After his birthday torture, we walked to The Boathouse pub, where we sat outside and had some food and drinks. Unlike my last visit, there were no dogs trying to steal my food, only Mr. Whites. I refused to let him scavenge from my plate, yet did throw him some of the leftovers. He refused to eat them – ungrateful bastard.

We then made our way to Bristol to go bowling. I’m normally shit at this “sport”, so was surprised when I got a strike in my first go. Things were going well, but the pressure got to me and I ended up finishing in a less than satisfactory position.

After bowling, it was Watkins and my turn to endure some torture - torture in the form of Spiderman 3. It seemed to go on FOREVER. At one stage, one of the many baddies would be killed, the next he’s back to life. The end fight sequence was rubbish, there was too much luvey-duvey and I hated it.

I did take some photos of the day - they were however of very poor quality. One photo depicted a knife fight between Simon and me. The trouble was, the knives were of the “pen” variety and did not show up on the photo. The other pictures are from bowling. The lighting in Hollywood Bowl is very poor, and therefore any photos taken will not be uploaded.

We Are Still The Champions

Last night I attended the Champions Night at Twerton Park – a post-season party, celebrating Bath City’s title winning campaign.

It was a great evening, and we were all treated to a video featuring some wonderful memories of the past year.

As well as the film, there was an auction for the footballers’ shirts worn at the Yate game (where the title was won). Unfortunately my budget didn’t stretch to the bids being tabled, some of which were £100+. I did however get autographs from manager John Relish, his assistant Ady Britten, and players Jim Rollo, Lewis Hogg and the legend that is Craig Davidge.

Great evening. Roll on next season!

 

Windows Live Writer

I've downloaded a tool called Windows Live Writer, and am just using it to write this test blog. If it all works well, I will be using it as a regular means of blogging. If it fucks up my blog, there will be trouble.

My Day at Work

Ever wondered what I do at work all day? This video is an excellent illustration of my job.

The situation with the “hold button” and lack of patience with the customer is just so true! :o)