Footballs Shit

I left my flat at 2.30 this afternoon, making the brief walk to Twerton Park to watch Bath City.

The walk may have only been short, but the rain was torrential. By the time I reached the ground, I was so wet you would think I had fallen off the bridge and into the River Avon.

Therefore, I was understandably annoyed when upon arrival I was informed that the game had been called off due to a waterlogged pitch. I did protest, arguing that while it was impossible to play football, a game of water polo could be staged, but to no avail.

I walked back home, getting splashed by a car and nearly drowning in a water-filled pot hole. When I finally did get back, I struggled to get out of my sodden clothes. I must have been carrying a whole stone in water.

I’m now sitting at home, trying to warm up and watching Gillette Soccer Saturday on Sky Sports. I may turn it off. Leeds are losing – again.

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today

Work has been rather strange this week. Since returning from the Christmas break yesterday, the whole office is very quite, nobody needs IT Support and we are working reduced hours. Today I even played Fifa 07 on the 52" LCD TV. What’s more, I am on annual leave for 9 days from Saturday.

The whole experience feels like I am on holiday, but being made to go in during my break. To me, this is still Christmas time - ITV were showing Back to the Future 2 this afternoon! I returned from work yesterday to find Jurassic Park on the telly!

Roll on Friday afternoon when I finish for a week!

Football

My brief summary of today’s football…

Best Result: Bath 5-0 Team Bath
Worst Result: Sunderland 2-0 Leeds
Funniest Insult: To referee, after failing to award a penalty to Bath. “You’re spineless ref! You’re like an invertebrate”
Satisfying Moment: Being approached by City players in the club bar post game for a chat about the match. If only the Leeds players made the effort.

That is all. Goodnight.

Christmas My Arse

So it’s finally over. As the special day draws to a close, billions of people worldwide, myself included, are drawing a sigh of relief that we don’t have to be reminded about Christmas for another 11 months, well 6 if the retailers get their way. Bah humbug and such.

Here’s a review of my Christmas Day.

PRESENTS
These were good, very good in fact. Gifts I received which particularly pleased me included – Gears of War (video game for the Xbox 360), Bath City football shirt, a beautiful canvas print of some woodland (which is now hanging on my wall) and Chris Moyles’s new autobiography.

FOOD
Adequate at best. I volunteered to help cook and somehow ended up preparing the whole turkey. This will no doubt come as a shock to some of you, particularly those who have seen me cremate a pizza and douse barbecue sausages in ash. This turkey did not set on fire, nor did it give anybody who consumed it salmonella - so there. It was rather dry, although turkey is always dry at the best of times, especially if they’re boneless like the one I had to cook.. c’mon, I’m not Gordon ‘fucking’ Ramsey! Next year I’m going to the pub for dinner.

TELEVISION
The little TV I did watch was shit. As predicted, Vicar of Dibley was diabolical. Little Britain, disappointing. I no longer watch EastEnders, although did catch the tail end of it before Dibley. I saw Pauline Fowler’s much publicised death. What a disappointment. The old bag just lay down in the snow. Such a long serving servant of the soap deserves to go out in style, maybe in a big ball of flames, or to be cut into tiny pieces by a machete waving maniac.

Of course, Christmas isn’t just about presents, food and television. I had an enjoyable time with family and a welcome break from the other stresses of life. These will return tomorrow when I travel to watch Bath City play Team Bath, while closely following the Leeds score via my mobile phone. Then on Wednesday, more stress will be bestowed upon me, when I return to work. It makes you happy to be alive.

Quiet Please, Mr. Watkins

Yesterday I went to watch Leeds United with deano4england (from WACCOE), AKA Danny Holmes. For some reason, his dad had decided he didn’t want to watch Leeds that day, so allowed me to borrow his £700+ season ticket. There’s just no commitment from these so called “fans” :o)

While the game finished 0-0, it was enjoyable, although I did leave the ground feeling rather stressed, mainly thanks to the Leeds strikers who couldn’t hit a barn door.

To add to my already high stress levels, once back in Bath, Watkins and Simon came to my flat for a spot of GoldenEye. I had recently purchased adaptors allowing me to use Nintendo 64 control pads on the PC, therefore allowing us to play multiplayer ROMs.

As well as GoldenEye, we also played Super Bomberman 2. That took me back. It’s been a long time since I have seen Mr. Watkins, a grown man, wail like a banshee.

Bomberman did become rather intense, and both Simon and I also lost our cool. Simon swearing like the mad football hooligan he is, while I rolled around on the floor as if I was having an epileptic fit, spraying salvia and Grolsh over my fellow gamers.

The greatest stress is yet to come. Tomorrow is Christmas Day, supposedly, the happiest day of the year. Whoever came to that conclusion must also have developed the urban myth that school days are the best of your life.

The Bleak Mid Winter

According to my calendar at work, it is now officially winter. The change of season has brought a noticeable transformation to the weather. Gone are the grey, damp and humid conditions we have become so used to. The temperatures have plummeted and Bath now feels like the Arctic, with frost and thick clouds of fog in the air.

It’s all very nice and festive. The seasonal weather now makes one feel like celebrating Christmas on Monday and not just putting up with it because the retailers tell us to do so.

Without wanting to sound like Victor Meldew, the change in temperature hasn’t been totally appreciated. My desk at work is situated rather close to the main office doors, and whenever people walk in or out of the building, I am subject to whatever freezing temperatures are present outside. Things became so bad, that this morning I was forced to wear my thick coat and huddle up next to a portable, oil filled radiator to avoid hyperthermia.

I suppose I can’t really complain. When it suites me, I will happily put up with freezing my limbs off. I spent well over two hours watching Bath City on Tuesday night, and am travelling up to Leeds on Saturday to watch United play Hull City, in what as sadly become a relegation battle.

In other news,
- I finally finished my Christmas shopping in town yesterday.

- Watkins and Simon came round this evening. We went to The Globe and ate the traditional dish of Hunters Chicken. On the way back to mine, we stopped at Sainsbury’s where Watkins bought chocolate cake and I drank free samples of Baileys. Free alcohol – very nice, shame they stopped me taking the bottle.

- errr… well, that’s about it. Expect more blogging over the festive period.

To all regular readers of this blog and friends/associates that I fail to see over Christmas and forget to e-mail/text/write to/fax, have a very good Christmas!

Bloggers Block

I have been struggling for blogging inspiration lately, and am hoping that by making this post, and commenting on various events of the previous week, I can inspire myself to get back on track…

Tuesday I finished work early and made, what I hoped to be, my final trip into town this side of Christmas. As I have mentioned before, I hate shopping when it’s busy. In fact, I bought the vast majority of this years Christmas presents online, thus avoiding the madness of town.

During just one short trip into Bath City Centre, I had the ordeal of facing pissed tramps and their dogs on the bus, slow old people walking down narrow high streets and mothers with wide pushchairs in shopping aisles, making overtaking impossible.

I made a lot of successful purchases, but as always, there were items that I forgot. Next week I will have to try and finish work early and make yet another trip into the abyss.

The rest of the week was rather stressful. Due to staff absence, I was left virtually on my own at work, leaving me feeling rather flustered, stressed and tired.

When Friday finally did come I was knackered. I did find the energy to watch Jaws on DVD with Simon. Jaws being one of my favourite films of all time and one which I had not seen for some years. Last night I attempted to watch Steven Spielberg's other monster movie, Jurassic Park. It was no good. The fatigue hangover from the previous week had caught up with me and I went to bed at some ridiculously early time, sleeping well into Sunday.

And now here I am, writing this blog, full refreshed (well, less tired) and ready for another five days back at the workhouse. Life couldn’t be better.

Trauma At Twerton

Well, that was a crap weekend for football. Relegating fighting Leeds lost 1-0 to Derby, whereas promotion chasing Bath City were defeated by Hitchin Town, 2-1.

I was at the Bath game, and while I was disappointed by both results, the whole afternoon was overshadowed by what looked like, a serious injury to City’s Craig Davidge.

Davidge apparently ran into the wall, smashing his chest and skull in the process. I didn’t see the actual incident as it was off the ball, although was very close by while he received medical treatment.

For over half an hour, Davidge lay on the freezing pitch as club doctors administered medical aid. It was a rather distressing ordeal, which left everyone at the ground in a state of shock.

An ambulance later arrived and took Davidge to the local hospital. The game then resumed for a final ten minutes. The players and fans were obviously very distressed by what had just happened and the remainder of the game was played in a much subdued atmosphere.

The incident put football in reality. Life is so much more important than winning or losing. City fans didn’t care that they had lost. Hitchin fans couldn’t celebrate their win. Everybody’s thoughts were with Davidge and his family.

This evening I learnt some very good news. Davidge was released from hospital yesterday evening and miraculously managed to avoid any serious injury. I personally wish him a speedy recovery and hope to see him running down the pitch very soon.

An Evening With Mr, White

I thought that I should better write a blog as it’s been some time since my last post, and if I leave it much longer, I will no doubt receive further threats of violence from Dan.

Blogging at the moment is proving to be a tad difficult at the moment, not least due to distractions from Simon, who is watching the Chelsea/Arsenal game. Every now and then, Simon will shout some words of encouragement at his beloved Gunners or abuse at the Chelsea players.

Mr. White’s parents went on holiday for the weekend, and bravely left Jon in charge of their family home – a rather careless move. In the traditional fashion, he threw one of his “small” house parties, you have probably read about them in the press.

Simon has just exploded with excitement. It appears that his arch nemesis, Ashley Cole has been booked. If he gets sent off, I think Simon may fill his underpants with cream.

Anyway, back to White’s party. I was summoned by telephone to his house on Friday evening. I could have said no, but the repercussions would have been serious. Besides which, I had nothing better to do that evening.

The evening was actually rather refrained. Previous parties at Mr. White’s have included visits from the police, fights with neighbours and people vomiting in the street. This week there was nothing on that scale.

That said, at times I did feel I was in the Big Brother House. Some rather bizarre characters turned up, not least a girl from Eastern Europe who thought it necessary to refer to everybody as “cunt face”, while swigging on a 2 litre bottle of white stripe cider.

I left just before midnight, thus missing any of the serious action. I am yet to hear from anybody else who stayed beyond me, but as there have been no newspaper reports of murder, rape, house fires and human sacrifices, I think the subdued atmosphere must have remained.

Nice Weather For Ducks

We’re now well into December, and according to the scenic calendar I have on the office wall, the whole of England should be covered in a thick blanket of snow. Why is it then that for the past… well as long as I can remember, that the weather in Bath has been pretty damn shit. When it’s not grey and drizzling, it’s absolutely pissing it down like a South American rainforest?

The Eco-Warriors amongst us would point the finger of blame heavily at global warming and how we are all destroying the beautiful planet we live in. Why is it then that we are not experiencing any of the extreme weather conditions we keep hearing so much about? I’m all for Mediterranean style summers and winters to rivals those of the Antarctic. I quite like the idea of having a set of pet penguins and encaging a mad polar bear in my back garden.

On a final note, if you are the bus driver in Bath who was driving up Combe Park at around 7:45 this morning; may I suggest taking some driving lesions? In wet weather, it is advisable not to plough your vehicle through all the puddles on the roadside, splashing any poor sod that happens to be walking up the pavement. If however, you did it on purpose, Hahaha – NOT. In the words of Don Logan “I hope this crashes!”

Fuck-A-Luck-A-Ding-Dong

Yesterday was rather eventful. At midday I listened to Leeds United play Barnsley. The Whites only managing a disappointing draw, mainly thanks to the idiotic linesman who disallowed a perfectly good goal. Twat.

After lunch, I walked down to Twerton Park to watch Bath City take on Halesowen Town. Bath did somewhat better than Leeds and won 3-0, maintaining their lead at the top of the table. As the afternoon drew to a close and darkness fell, the temperature dropped. I stood pitch side, watching 22 men chase a leather ball around a muddy field, shivering in the cold with only a cup of instant coffee (which tasted like sewage) to keep me warm. That’s dedication for you.

In the evening I went to The Globe pub with Mr. Watkins. I had my traditional dish of choice, Hunters Chicken. Upon receiving my meal, I noticed that it wasn’t the Hunters Chicken of previous years which I had grown to know and love. It was presented in a far more stylish manner; maybe their chef had been reading “Food Presentation for Dummies”.

At the end of the day however, it didn’t matter how the food was presented, what was most important was the taste. I’m pleased to report that it was delicious. A year ago, I would have thought it impossible to improve upon such a divine dish but somehow, somebody did it. The latest Hunters Chicken offering is just delectable.

Once we had eaten, we left for the cinema. It was mutually decided that we watch Tenacious D (starring Jack Black). As the Odeon in Bath was fully booked, we drove to Vue in Bristol.

Like the Hunters Chicken earlier that evening, the film was more than adequate and well worth the admittance fee. Jack Black and his co-star Kyle Gass were both very, very funny, if not a little bizarre. Still, I have always enjoyed quirky and eccentric humour – I don’t know what that says about my mental state.

My trip to the cinema was improved by the fact I was allowed to fill my own Ice Blast cup. Unfortunately there were no free refills and I had to use the cup provided, and not the 5 pint goblet I happened to be carrying at the time.

Christmas Light Sonata

This evening was the turning on of my 2006 Christmas Lights. I did my best to find a high status celebrity to push the switch and illuminate my room like Blackpool Tower, but was rather unsuccessful…

Bono was on tour in Japan. David Beckham wanted to come, but Real Madrid would not allow him to leave Spain. Madonna did ask to do it, but I turned her down – I may need a celeb, but I’m not desperate!

In the end, I managed to persuade Daniel Craig to make the journey from London to Bath and do the honours. Don’t the decorations look amazing?

Funny IT Stories

A funny excerpt from the latest issue of Computer Weekly:

Everyone knows that computers can be fragile, but some users still treat them as though they were indestructible. Hard disk recovery firm Ontrack has compiled its top five stories of data loss in 2006.

Fifth place belongs to a user who left a banana to rot on top of his external hard drive. The rotten mush seeped through the casing, where it wrecked the circuitry, preventing the drive from running. The circuit board was repaired sufficiently to enable the drive’s data to be recovered.

In number four is that perennial favourite, the people carrier. Someone left a laptop in the path of a moving one earlier this year. Similar examples include a rucksack full of hard drives that was backed over by a truck.

Third place goes to a manufacturer of expensive underwater digital cameras. Unfortunately for one unhappy customer who took the camera on a snorkelling holiday to Barbados, the camera was far from waterproof.

Proving the cliché that academics have brains, but no common sense, is a university professor who head a squeaking noise coming from the drive of his new PC. The nutty professor removed the casing and sprayed the drive with WD-40, thus stopping both the squeaking noise and the drive itself.

But the award for 2006’s most unnecessary assault on a disc drive goes to a user who sent his damaged hard drive to Ontrack wrapped in a pair of dirty socks. The original problem was unremarkable; the damage caused by the combination of sweat and fibres was not.

Finally, something I was e-mailed. If your IT Department is throwing a Christmas party this month, I hope it’s as fun and crazy as this one