Buy Me!

There’s less than 15 minutes left until the football transfer window slams shut. I am getting slightly concerned – I am yet to receive the call from José Mourinho, offering me a £150,000 a week deal at Chelsea.

Today hasn’t been a good day for me all round. I was disappointed not to receive an England call up from Steve McClaren. How can that donkey Frank Lampard keep getting capped, while my football skills are always overlooked? :o(