Who The F**k Is Harry Potter?

I’ve heard all this media bollocks about children and parents queuing up for days to buy this new Harry Potter book. It begs the question – why?  I’ve never read a HP book or seen a HP film, and I never intend to – maybe I’m missing out on some amazing piece of literacy and a ground breaking series. I think not.

I did some searching on the net, and if you are a HP fan you may be pleased to know the following

HARRY POTTER GETS KILLED BY VOLDEMORT
SNAPE DIES
BURBABE DIES
HEDWIG DIES
MAD-EYE DIES
SCRIMGEOUR DIES
WORMTAIL DIES
DODDY DIES
FRED WEASLEY DIES
TONKS DIES
LUPIN DIES
COLIN CREEVY DIES
HARRY POTTER COMES BACK TO LIFE
RON MARRIES HERMIONE - THEY HAVE TWO CHILDREN
HARRY MARRIES GINNY AND HAS THREE CHILDREN
DRACO HAS A SON
THE BOOK ENDS WITH ALL THE CHILDREN GETTING A TRAIN TO HOGWARTS

I hope this makes sense. Having not read a HP book, I don’t know any of the character names or locations. The point of this blog is to tell fans what happens, save them queuing for hours outside Waterstones and drowning in a flash flood, and basically to piss them off :o)