Off To See Jimmy

I’m off to see Jimmy Carr at The Pavillion in Bath this evening. I’m a big fan of his and am really looking forward to it.

One thing anybody who has seen him live or watched one of the DVDs will know is that a lot of his act involves taking the piss out of the audience and humiliating them to the extent of suicide.

In order to avoid being picked on by Jimmy, I believe precautions must be taken…

• Avoid the first four rows if at all possible (although as you are allocated a seat based upon your ticket, this is generally unavoidable)
• Do not drink heavily beforehand. The worst thing you can do is get up in the middle of his act to go for a piss - red rag to a bull
• Don’t dress like a tramp
• At the same time don’t overdress or wear strange, exotic items of clothing
• If you’re foreign, very old or very young, don’t even think about going
  

If he does pick on you, here’s what to do…

• Try and think up some witty comeback, but don’t make yourself look like a twat
• Pass the buck onto the poor sod sitting next to you
• If all else fails, call Jimmy a cunt and tell him to fuck off